Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Hormones (again)…with Humor June 8, 2012

It seems that hormones are the hot topic of conversation this week, but leave it to Pamela at Silent Sorority to find the humor and silver lining in menopause.

Quoting information from The North American Menopause Society, Pamela writes:

“Have you found yourself in recent years ‘flooded with emotions as the reality sets in that [you] will no longer be able to conceive a child. The impending loss of fertility can rattle overall identity as well as a sense of sexuality and desirability.’”

Pamela’s eloquent response?

“Been there done that — got the freakin’ t-shirt.”

I read her post yesterday morning and, to be honest, it set my attitude to positive for the entire day.

It’s no mean feat to find the humor or the silver lining in infertility, menopause, or unplanned childlessness, but when you do, it can really make your corner of the world a brighter place, even if only for a day.

Wishing you all a Fabulous Friday and a lovely – and humor-filled – weekend.


The Grass Isn’t Always Greener September 23, 2011

Pamela at Silent Sorority posted a wonderful story yesterday about the response she received from her recent Open Salon article about being a non-mom, Dispatch from Hell: It’s not all bad.


I found it encouraging that so many readers embraced her decision regarding adoption, and I was especially wowed by her own mother’s open-mindedness, when she wrote: “I’ve never understood why people automatically think that because a couple doesn’t have a child of their own, they will, of course, adopt. It’s like expecting a man or woman who never married to become a priest or a nun.” Well said, Mom!

I also laughed out loud (as did my husband, who has grown children) at a comment from the father of a “stay-at-home 23 year-old” who wrote: “No doubt it is a great pleasure watching your child grow, […] but if the second ten years came first, there would be no second children.”

As if to prove this point, I opened up my newspaper this morning and found myself both laughing and despairing at this article about three 19 year-old “boys,” who have just managed to wreck their lives through sheer stupidity. I’m sure their parents are very proud.

Yes, being a non-mom can be painful, sad, frustrating, or all of the above, but even so, the grass isn’t always greener on the parenting side of the fence.


Another Voice for the Childless-Not-By-Choice March 19, 2011

We’ve long bemoaned the lack of media coverage for the childless and childfree. I know that I’ve complained several times about “safe” magazines, such as Runner’s World springing unexpected parenting articles on me in between the shoe reviews and training programs.


So, when I was asked recently to contribute some thoughts about childfree/childless/infertility blogs for a sidebar to an article about the mommy blog phenomenon, I was understandably hesitant.


Well, the article came out in BITCH Magazine this month (Spring ’11) and I must say that I’m thrilled. After the main Mommy Blog article was a FULL PAGE article entitled Barren Bloggers in Breederville!


OK, not the most flattering of monikers, especially considering one of the bloggers mentioned now has twins, but right up there, flying the flag for the “life after infertility” crowd was Silent Sorority’s Pamela – and yours truly.


And Hallelujah, if the author didn’t make a point of mentioning that some women choose a life path that doesn’t include motherhood, and that (and I quote) “Infertility and adoption experts stress that [adoption] is not a universal solution,” especially for “emotionally and financially drained” infertility patients, hesitant to “embark on yet another uncertain journey.” Honestly, I could kiss the author for getting those words into print. In fact I am considering printing them out and keeping them in my pocket for the next time someone asks if we ever considered adoption before deciding to live childfree.


Anyway, I’m keeping an eye open for the article popping up online, and when it does, I will most definitely be posting it here.


Sisters, if we just keep talking, eventually, we will be heard. –x-


Life and Friendship After “The Thing” February 18, 2011

Please take a moment and contribute your opinion to this poll.

Last Saturday, I met Pamela (Silent Sorority) for the first time. We had lunch and talked. In fact we talked for so long and so easily that I forgot to collect my husband from the airport. No long-term harm done, thankfully.

Pamela and I talked about many things, but we didn’t talk about “the thing” – our infertility – even though that was the common tie that brought us together in the first place.

What we talked about mostly was the future. What’s next? Once you’ve come to terms with a life without children (no short or easy journey, I might add) where do you go next? Once you’ve found your tribe of women who aren’t going to bring their offsring into every conversation, and aren’t going to spring a surprise pregnancy on your friendship, what do you talk about, when you don’t want to keep talking about “the thing?”

Pamela and I batted around some new ideas. She talked about her view of our meeting in a post today, and also put together a poll. Please take a moment and add your two cents.

When you don’t want to talk about “the thing” anymore, what do you want to talk about?


2010 A Great Year for the Childfree January 7, 2011

According to an article by Lisa Hymas (she’s the GINK mentioned in Wednesday’s post) 2010 was a the year childfree went mainstream. She says:

In 2010, the childfree started making some real noise. Get used to it; you’ll be hearing a lot more racket from us in the future.

I’m inclined to agree with her on this and add that the childless-not-by-choicers got a voice too.

Last year, fellow CNBC-er Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos won the Team RESOLVE Choice Best Book Award for Silent Sorority. An organization focused on helping couples find family-building solutions recognized a book about living a life without children. I call that progress.

In my own corner of the world at the start of 2010, I had expected to tuck my childlessness away and pull it out for examination only once in a while.  I wanted to talk about it, but who would want to listen? Turns out I’m not the only one who felt that way. I’ve been amazed to discover how many of us are out here, ready to talk and be heard.

And people are listening. I’ve had several friends (with children) who have read this blog and told me that they see their other childless/childfree friends in a new light and understand their situation a little more. I call that progress, too.

We are still (and probably will always be) a minority, but my hope is that, some day some of the issues we face will go away, or at least get the respect they deserve.


A Voice for Life Without Baby October 1, 2010

Last weekend author, blogger, non-mom cheerleader, and fellow Life Without Baby member, Pamela Tsigdinos, received an award from RESOLVE, The National Infertility Association, for her book Silent Sorority. Her post about the experience gave me goosebumps.

Pamela has taken her experience with infertility and turned it around into something outstanding. She is speaking out and being heard with her message that there is life after infertility, that there is life without children, and what’s more, that life is good.

Pamela, I know you’ll be reading this. I applaud you for the great work you’ve done and continue to do. Kudos, sister!


Childless and Childfree Websites and Blogs September 21, 2010

Pamela over on the Silent Sorority blog is putting together a directory of sites relating to childless and childfree living. I’m going to be checking these out over the coming weeks and sharing some of the posts with you here.

If you have a favorite blog or website (other than this one, of course!) relating to living childless or childfree, please share it below, so we can all take a look.


Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Get Busy, Angry, Lost and Found September 11, 2010

I just finished reading Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos’ book, Silent Sorority: A (Barren) Woman Get Busy, Angry, Lost and Found. I give it two very enthusiastic thumbs up! With class, dignity, and humor (oh, yes, and an appropriate amount of bile), Pamela not only tells her own story of infertility, but is able to step back and provide an intelligent social commentary on our mommy-centric culture and what it’s like to be childless-not-by-choice when everyone around you is baby-mad.

As I read her story, I found myself slapping my forehead, thinking, “I did that too,” and I realized what I wish I’d known long ago, that I was not alone on my own journey. As Pamela says, infertile women “were everywhere, but nowhere.”

What makes Pamela’s book stand out from other infertility stories I’ve read is that (aside from her not “giving up on treatments and suddenly having a miracle pregnancy”) she talks about the “what now?” how she gained acceptance and found a place for herself in the world.

This is one of those books that I wish I could give to people I know to read. It’s a book that says, “This is what I went through, this is why I was behaving that way back then, but you know what? I’m okay now.”

If you haven’t read this book, put it on your list. It’s an eye-opener. And while Pamela might not yet have all the answers to our questions, she’s starting the conversation about living childless/childfree, and giving us a voice.

You can find Silent Sorority in print at:

Barnes &

Or as an e-book from:

Amazon’s Kindle Store

Barnes and Noble

Borders (via Kobo)



Pamela Tsigdinos’ Great Interview About Moving Beyond Infertilty August 26, 2010

Life Without Baby member, Pamela Tsigdinos talks about overcoming infertility and making the decision to remain childless. It’s so great to hear her talking about the emotions, the stigma, and about “coming out of the closet” as an infertile woman. Wonderful. Also interesting to hear a discussion about choosing to get off the baby crazy train on a site dedicated to “IVF and third party family building.”

You can hear the podcast of her interview on the link below:

The Impact of RESOLVE with Executive Director, Barbara Collura, and Pamela Tsigdinos, Author of Silent Sorority, a Winner of Resolve’s Hope Award.

You can also check out Pamela’s website: Silent Sorority


Number of women without children soars, study finds July 1, 2010

Number of women without children soars, study finds.

I found this article very interesting, especially as a great discussion on this exact topic ensued here a couple of days ago.

While I’m not exactly happy to hear that our numbers are swelling (because I’m concerned that at least some of this is due to rising infertility rates) I’m always glad to see the discussion being had “out there” in the public eye. The more we talk about this, the sooner being a woman (or a man) without children will become less of a taboo subject.