Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Gratitude for What You Do Have November 19, 2012

During a recent workshop support call, we were discussing loss and how to begin coming to terms with the idea of not having children. One member raised a question:

“How do you keep moving forward day-to-day?”

It’s a good question. When you’ve suffered a loss, or a series of losses, and you realize children aren’t going to be in your future, how do you keep getting out of bed and getting on with life, when what you feel like doing is curling up and wishing for the world to just leave you alone?

Another member of the group had a great suggestion:

“What helped me was staying focused on what I do have, instead of obsessing about what I don’t have,” she said.

When the goal of motherhood has been your main focus for so long, it’s natural to focus on what’s lost, what’s being given up by walking away from that goal. (And let’s face it, it can be a very long list.) But a little dose of Pollyanna can go a long way in making it through the day.

Look around you. There’s evidence everywhere to support what we do have. If you don’t live on the East Coast of the U.S, you probably have power in your home. In fact, you most likely have a home to have power in. Maybe you have good health, a strong relationship, a close family, or good friends.  When you look up and look around, it’s amazing to see how much you do have.

Shifting perspective can be a good coping tool. It doesn’t diminish what’s been lost, not one bit, and it doesn’t mean there’s no excuse for grief, or sadness. That loss is real and it takes time to heal. But shifting focus can help you keep moving forward.

This Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the U.S., traditionally a time of gratitude. So, employing this perspective shift, what are you grateful for in your life? How are you lucky? What are some of the things that you do have going for you?


Whiny Wednesday: Taking the Day Off October 6, 2010

Filed under: The Childfree Life: Issues and Attitudes,Whiny Wednesdays — Life Without Baby @ 6:00 am
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I’m taking this Whiny Wednesday off. I feel as if I’ve done nothing but whine all week, so instead I’m going to be Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary and list all the things I’m happy about today:

  1. My mum is here to visit, and she’s healthy enough to travel and fun to spend time with.
  2. My husband has the patience of Job and despite teasing me about being grumpy of late, he puts up with me.
  3. My cat loves me, in her own odd feline way. I am her #1 person.
  4. There is money in my bank account and food in my fridge, gas in my car and a roof over my head.
  5. I love my job, in fact I love all my jobs, even the ones that don’t pay.
  6. I have a great group of kids to mentor in my school program, and even though I want to take all of them home wih me, I am sane enough to understand that I can’t and won’t.
  7. I have friends who trust me enough to call me when they are in crisis.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. If you need to let it all out, go ahead. If not, tell me what you’re happy about today.