I am lucky to have some truly wonderful friends. I have a couple of friends in particular who were really there for me while I was going through the mess of trying to get pregnant and the subsequent coming-to-terms with not.
These women made me cups of tea and put an arm around my shoulder when I couldn’t hold in my tears. They met me for lunch and asked how things were going. They didn’t push the issue when they could see I didn’t want to talk and they didn’t try to help by offering solutions, based on zero knowledge, or sharing hopeful stories of miracle pregnancies. They seemed to know exactly how to be there for me, and yet when we talked about those times later, they admitted they were just as lost as I was and were winging it all along. I guess I just got lucky.
Other friends weren’t quite so lucky in their “winging” and I wish I could have helped them to help me. I wish I could have put into words what I needed from them, kind of a mini instruction book, so they wouldn’t feel so helpless. I wish I would have known then what I know now and been able to explain it to them.
I wish I’d known that what I was going through was a huge life-changing experience and that I would be a different person for it. I wish I could have told them that I’d still be the same old Lisa, but changed, just a bit.
I wish I’d known I would be okay in the end, no matter what the outcome.
I wish I could have explained that much of the time I didn’t want to talk about it because I was working so hard to keep my emotions at bay.
I wish I could have told them that some days I really wanted to talk about everything and tell them how angry and frustrated I was.
I wish they’d known I was lost.
I wish they’d known I was scared.
I wish they’d known that I could no longer see the future for myself beyond the end of my next cycle.
I wish they’d said, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
I wish I’d been brave enough to just cry when I needed to and I wish they would have known to just hand me Kleenex until I was done.
I wished they would have known how much I appreciated their friendship and how, even if I went astray for a while, I’d be back, stronger than ever and ready to be a good friend for them, too.
If you could have told your friends (and family) what you needed, what would you have said?