Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday: Thanks a Lot, Facebook October 24, 2012

In the interests of fuelling my Whiny Wednesday fire, Kathleen was kind enough to send me news of Facebook’s new “Little One” pregnancy tracker app. (Here’s a link, but please click through with caution as it’s a baby fest.)

Not only does the app provide video of baby’s development, users can also “Keep friends and family involved throughout your pregnancy with weekly updates, comments, gift registry, and polls.” The idea is to make it easier for moms-to-be to share photos and news.

I am currently “involved” in a family member’s pregnancy via Facebook. And let me tell you, this woman needs no help from an app in broadcasting her daily updates. In fact, it’s starting to become fascinating to see which unrelated topic she can twist around to the subject of her pregnancy next.  I know she’s excited, and I am happy for her, but mix it up a bit, lady, ok?

Glad that’s off my chest. What’s on yours today?

P.S. On their open salon this week, Pamela has a wonderful analogy about what it feels like to watch a friend (or family member) go to the other side and lose empathy for those left behind. On her blog, Keiko talks about having to announce her pregnancy and feeling guilty for “not failing.” Check out the conversations.



16 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday: Thanks a Lot, Facebook”

  1. Maria Says:

    I loved Pamela’s article and I hesitated to read Keiko’s because I was afraid it would bring me pain but I did anyway and was surprised it was written with such sensitivity it did not. I have been thinking a lot lately about what Pamela wrote — that there is no clear end date for trying anymore because of the treatment options available. People still suggest options to me even though I am a few months away from 47. When I get those comments, it makes me doubt my decision to stop trying and I hate that because I want to be in a place where I can finally leave it behind me. I think all of the success stories give people who have never gone through infertility the mistaken assumption that everyone can be “cured” regardless of their age if they were just willing or had the guts to go through IVF or use a donor. I tell people that is the way the media sells infertility treatment services but I still hate it. I guess that’s my whine for the day.

  2. Leanne Says:

    i had my whine all ready to go this morning, and then i got hit with more news. my whine was that i work at a church and a lady in her 70’s came in yesterday at the end of the work day. she asked, “so, do you have to rush home and make supper for a bunch of little ones?” and i said, “yeah, my puppies and husband will be waiting to eat.” her response? “oh, well that is just NOT the same at all!” it just hit me wrong and i was not impressed. i get home and get a text from my sister-in-law announcing that she has honeymoon twins on the way. ugh. the baby-mania just doesn’t end and i’m so over it.

    • Maria Says:

      Ugh that sounds exactly like something my mother would say. It’s just an entirely different generation. If I could tell you all the insensitive things she has said to me about my infertility, it would me you (like it did me) cry. I have been a learning experience for her and she is now a lot more sensitive and careful about what she says. Next time you see her be prepared to educate her about how hurtful a question like that can be. Then report back to us!

  3. Wolfers Says:

    I’m sick of politics right now- I’ll be glad when November 6th is over and done with… I stick to my own page to share pages and posts, yet it seems that folks feel it’s their duty to attack me- when I *don’t* go to their pages because I respect their right to their own opinions, why can’t they respect mine? 😛

  4. Kathleen Guthrie Woods Says:

    I need a nap. Actually, what I need is a vacation that consists of a week-long nap. Juggling so many balls, taking care of everything (with mixed results), trying not to get behind, planning for the future, and I’m so over it!

  5. j thorne Says:

    I appreciated the article. People certainly need to be more aware of the feelings of those of us on this side. The ignorant comments from people who have no clue are endless. Just because I don’t wear an infertility banner on my head, people must think it’s ok to say stupid things.

  6. jeopardygirl Says:

    Wolfers, I am with you. As a Canadian, I am disgusted by how much coverage is given to American politics. We hear barely anything about the political manoeuvrings of most other countries, but the US gets undivided attention–sometimes even to the detriment of our own parliament. I am looking forward to November 7th!

  7. SparklingRain Says:

    This is a long whine..sobs..I hope long whines are allowed…

    Almost 3 weeks ago I found a lump on my right breast. I was terrified and couldn’t sleep that night. I had no idea which doc to see. I knew I had to have a referral for a mammo & ultrasound, but I couldn’t bear the thought of going to a GP and showing my breasts to a stranger (I have no regular GP, I only see my obgyn once a year for pap-smears). I guess I was behaving oddly, because definitely it’s better to have doctors who I dont know to examine me than doctors who are my friends!

    My obgyn was on leave, so it was a terrifying week waiting for her to come back. When I finally got to see her, after 4 hours of waiting outside her office, she was her usual curt, businesslike self. Funnily, while I never mind that while having my yearly pap-smears, this time her attitude increased my worry.

    Next it was mammo and ultrasound. The technician showed empathy during the mammo, but the radiologist doing the ultrasound was again, cold and businesslike. She said the lumps were “cystic” and told me there were actually 3 lumps. She left me half naked on the table even before I could even open my mouth to ask a question.

    Then came the days when I lost even more sleep and started researching everything about breast cysts. The report came saying I had 3 lumps which the radiologist report said were “infected cyst or complex cysts” I went back to the obgyn, and…get this…she screamed at me when I tried to ask her questions. From my research I knew that complex cysts were rare, and contrary to simple cysts which contain only fluid, complex cysts contain debris or even solid components.

    But when I asked her what complex cysts meant, she said it meant there were more than one cyst, while “simple cyst means there is only one cyst.” I guess she could see in my eyes that I didn’t believe her explanation, because right after that she screamed saying she wasn’t authorized to answer my questions, I must see a surgeon and THEN I could ask the surgeon a gazillion of questions, etc etc.

    I know I wasnt being oversensitive here, because my husband who was also in the room said he too thought she screamed/yelled/being a complete as*.
    I knew I had to see a surgeon, but couldn’t she at least say it gently to me??? Also, she screamed “Are you afraid of cancer? You dont have it!!” making me feel confused whether to be happy or ashamed for being stupid and not understanding what the report meant.

    I decided not to go to a surgeon in that hospital again. On Tuesday I saw an oncology surgeon who was more corteous and reassuring (I hope Im not jinxing this) and I’ve calmed down a bit. Today I’m gonna see him again.

    Please send some peace-of-mind vibes my way if you have spare 🙂 Thank you for reading my long whine. You all rock! Here’s wishing no baby pics come in our mailboxes today and forever, amen.

    • IrisD Says:

      In 2010, I got my first Mam… I got called back, and told I needed a diagnostic mam (they press harder to get a closer look). It hurt. I realized that I had micro-calcifications which could be a sign of early cancer, depending on layout, shape, etc. It turns out mine were no cancer. But I have dense breasts, so they wanted an ultra sound. The ultra sound came out ok, but I have fibrocystic breasts. I think I had a total of 11 or so simple cysts and an enlarged milk duct. I also had my tests read by a breast surgeon. It was a very scary experience, because I had to wait a long time between tests and test results and new tests. We need to be on top of things in self-checking, getting Mams, taking vitamin D!! I freaked out too, but I also learned that a majority of biopsies are also normal. Hopefully, early detection can continue to save lives.

      • Maria Says:

        I have been diagnosed with cysts and also fibrous cysts/tissue in my breasts for the past 15 years. They can swell before your period and when they do they absolutely feel like a scary lump. I’ve had them viewed during a mammo and a few times, been referred for a sonogram, and then to a specialist. No one has recommended they be biopsied but the specialist told me she can feel the difference between a cyst and cancer and she confirmed I didn’t need a biopsy. I live in the US and here there is a lot of fundraising for breast cancer – mammos are done in centers created for women and funded well so the staff is trained to be patient, courteous, sensitive. I’m sorry for your experience. My current gyno has a terrible bedside manner (cold but not a yeller) so I put up with it. I worried a lot the first time I felt my cysts but since it’s been more than 10 years I know they are definately not cancer. I hope this helps you feel better.

  8. SparklingRain Says:

    Thank you for your kind words IrisD *hug*

  9. Ceej Says:

    A day late but here’s my Wednesday Whine. I work in a small office with just a few other women and we all know each other really well. They know about our failed journey to conceive a child and that it’s still a raw wound. Recently my boss’s son and daughter-in-law just had their first baby (my boss’s third grandbaby). Inside there is always that twinge of jealousy/sadness/anger/whatever, but I’m a rational person and put that twinge away and am happy for them. My boss is now in baby-mode. She is talking about her grandson, shopping for him, bringing him into work, telling us all about him, all about his sleeping schedule – she’s got grandma fever. I get that she’s excited – I don’t want to hear about it all the time. But I am polite and am happy that she is happy. Then the other day she says “We should throw them a baby-shower! But as the grandma that shouldn’t be my job.” So my coworker says she’d be happy to arrange for a shower and then they both look at me then I’m informed that I’ve been recruited to help organize this shower… I was stunned. How could they, knowing all I’ve been through (and am still going through) ask me to do that? That crosses a line! The shower is going to be on work-time in a slow afternoon at our office. How can I get out of it? I am not interested in attending a shower, let alone helping to organize it! The women I work with are generally very warm and understanding and helpful but this was insane! I would NEVER ask someone who has been through a fruitless half-decade of childless trauma to throw (or attend) a baby shower. This just feels like cruelty. Ugh. Anyway, I’ll be fine – just a bit pissed. I will buy her a card and politely decline attending the shower and perhaps take that day off of work so I don’t have to witness (or help with) decorating etc.

  10. SparklingRain Says:

    Thank you so much Maria..I think I cross-posted with you, I didnt see your post when I posted my reply to IrisD. Thank you both for taking the time to read my whine & help me calm down. The waiting part is indeed energy-zapping, now I am waiting for cytology results which should be out in a few days.

    Ceej – please take a day off work so you don’t have to attend the shower. How insensitive of your colleagues to put you in such position! &!@!!! Sending you hugs and vibes for peace of mind.

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