Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Growing Up Together September 21, 2012

Last weekend I got to spend the day with one of my oldest and dearest friends. I’ve mentioned her before; she’s the friend I’ve known since I was about four, have remained in touch with over the years, and who reached out across the 6,000 miles that now separate us to make plans to reconnect in person. In the past year, we’ve managed to get together somewhere in the world on four different occasions.

As we walked around San Francisco last weekend, she hooked her arm in mine and said, “I’m so glad we get to grow up together.”

I laughed at first. We’re both 42 (and a half.) Surely we’re done growing up. We’ve shared so many life experiences over the years and we’ve traveled together through relationship ups and downs and major life upheavals. We’ve each dealt with health issues that have changed the course of our lives, and both of us have families of two. Over the years we’ve shared stories and laughs, and we’ve shopped, eaten, tested cocktails, and hiked. We’ve been through so much together and there is still so much more ahead of us. We are still growing up and I am very glad that we get to do it together, even if not always in the same corner of the world.

Who are you growing up with? Who do you sometimes take for granted, but who is always there, growing up alongside you? Give that person a shout-out today and let them know how glad you are to have them in your life.


8 Responses to “Growing Up Together”

  1. Wolfers Says:

    I have met my dearest friend R when we were in middle school. We survived through a lot together. She had found out she cannot have children in her early 20’s. I was there for her during that. I am struggling with being childless not by choice, and she is there for me since then.

    Now she travels around the world, while I work with diversity of people. We try to get together at least 2-3 times a year. Right now I’m with her, visiting for a few days. 🙂 Of all friends, she is priceless, and I truly find myself blessed with knowing her.

  2. Klara Says:

    so great to have a friend like that!

    I am also lucky, I have my Mattie:

  3. Maria Says:

    I was painfully shy until I was 18 and really didn’t have any close friends until college when I dared to leave my shell. My dearest friend is one I made during my first job after law school and sustained for 20 years. I see her as the friend I will always have in my life. We have been there during the ups and downs of our careers, marriages, her children and my infertility. She’s moved in and out of State and we always maintain contact. I see her being in my life until we are old ladies together.

  4. jeopardygirl Says:

    I’ve never had a lot of long-term success with friends–especially female ones. My oldest friend and I had a falling out about the time I returned to university, metaphorically raw and bleeding from the IF issue. I have nothing in common with most of my childhood and teenage friends, and the adult friends I do have live in a city 2 hours away. I’ve been fortunate to have known my husband for nearly 22 years (over half of my life). Aside from the Romantic Stuff, he’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and I have enjoyed growing up with him. We’re having a great life.

  5. Kellie Says:

    This is my dear friend….though I don’t see her often, I will always love her like a sister! She is the strongest person I have ever met!!

  6. Mali Says:

    I have a friend I’ve known since I was 4. But we don’t see each other very often and don’t communicate that much either. I am excited that a friend I’ve known since 1979, but have only seen once since (about 2000) is coming to visit in about 6-7 weeks. The relationship I had with the friend I thought I’d grow old with changed once I went through infertility and she had kids. But I am lucky with my friends – particularly this one (I’ve known for 16 years now!!) ..

  7. loribeth Says:

    From Grades 3 through 7, we lived in a small town across the street from a family that had three daughters who were more or less the same ages as my sister & me — the middle sister was my classmate. We did everything together — had slumber parties, our families travelled together, and even after we moved away, we remained close & continued to visit each other. This was long before the Internet — in between visits, we wrote letters & were occasionally allowed to talk on the phone for a (very) few minutes after our mothers had been chatting to eacfh other (long distance was expensive!). I don’t know if it’s a hangover from those days, but we rarely call or write or see each other these days (the last time was at my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago — all five of us together again as a complete group for the first time in 16 years!!)… but whenever we do, it’s like nothing has changed and we just pick up where we left off. Funnily enough, the two older sisters also had infertility problems. They both wound up adopting. The youngest sister had health issues, but has a son who is about the same age my daughter would have been.

  8. damagedandbroken Says:

    I have a handful of friends that we go way back when we were kiddos. The best thing about them is that it doesn’t matter how much time passes we always pick up where we left off. They are the only ones (aside from my husband) who truly understand me and they are so compassionate through our IF struggle. They are more supportive than parents and siblings. I think I would have had a complete breakdown if it weren’t for them.

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