Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday September 19, 2012

Filed under: Health,Infertility and Loss,Whiny Wednesdays — Life Without Baby @ 6:00 am
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It’s Whiny Wednesday! Hurray!

My whine this week is that I’m too tired to whine. Given that I could close my eyes and go to sleep right now when there’s no good reason, I think it’s time to get the old hormones checked again. Sigh.

What’s your whine this week? Please leave your comments quietly, so as not to wake me. Thanks.

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11 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday”

  1. Maria Says:

    My whine is that I have been serving on a Board of Trustees for a not-for-profit for 8 years. Every suggestion I have ever made has been ignored or rejected, even though they were valid. The Executive Director is now implementing some of the suggestions I made 5 years ago in order to be eligible for additional revenue and funding. Not only was I not given credit, but it was hinted that I should withdraw as a Board member to allow someone else to take my seat. For the past 2 years, I have been frustrated and considered quitting. But now I’m hurt at the suggestion that I leave. The Executive Director has really annoyed me in the past and now I think I must have been too obvious about my feelings and am a little ashamed. Whine!

    • Mali Says:

      Oh, I can relate. I was Chair of a company for 7 years, and stepped down last year. The new guy hasn’t done anything different to what I did, but the other directors are sucking up to him big time, when they would fight me all the way on the same issues. And people say there is no glass ceiling for women these days!

      • Maria Says:

        Thank you for your added perspective. I talked it over with my boss (also a woman) and she said she thinks it irks the Executive Director (a man) to look at me across the table at the Board meetings and know I was right and he was wrong. I decided last night I am going to step down and spend my energy volunteering for a different organization that will respect my talents, opinions and strengths. You should do the same.

  2. Elena Says:

    My whine is that I started career counselling a while ago to find out what to do with my life now that i don’t have a baby. Recently i was asked to do some “homework” which was look for my visions (deliberately, without regard to reality) through a step-by-step process at the end of which i would end up with my personal “Career charts” of 14 professions/careers. Which should then help to choose in which direction to follow up to get from vision to real possibilities. One of the 14 i wrote down was becoming a pre-school teacher. As I told him this, my career counselor (who is a nice guy and expensive to boot) told me “this stems from your private situation (which i had told him about) – you should try to find a solution in your private life not in your professional life”. I can’t even try to describe how much that hurt me. Every young girl is basically considered adequate for a job like pre-school teacher, nanny or whatever simply on the ground that she’s a girl and says she likes children. And I’m not, as a grown woman, because i don’t have my own child. *sigh*

    • IrisD Says:

      I’m thinking that either your other interests or whatever else you’ve talked about with your career counselor is so different from becoming a pre-school teacher that he cannot reconcile your other interests with this profession, or he makes no sense.

      • Elena Says:

        I would totally accept it if he pointed out to me that my other interests, talents, inclinations etc. make pre-school teacher a poor choice. He’s run me through some tests, and i think he’s competent at what he’s doing, so I would accept this opinion. Nevertheless he didn’t say anything like that. He’s immediate reaction was to point out that this idea stemmed from my personal problems and that i should find a solution in my private life (yeah great, 40 and single, that’ll be easy.). I tried defending myself pointing out why I found pre-school teaching an interesting idea. He said well if I wanted to do this I should maybe work as a volunteer or do an internship in a pre-school first. That’s a good idea in itself but again he didn’t refer at all to my interests or talents or personality. He could also have said that I am highly qualified in another field and should rather build on that than start a job in a new field (which in addition doesn’t bring much status or salary). But he didn’t point that out either. He just immediately dismissed the idea and didn’t seem prepared to discuss it in-depth. That was what hurt me.

  3. IrisD Says:

    I hosted a small dinner party with family and friends on Saturday. Two of my friends brought their little girls, ages 7 and 5. The girls were wonderfully sweet and well-behaved. Though they didn’t really know each other, they played quietly and amicably all evening. It was a pleasure to have them. They played with each other while the adults conversed. So, my sort of whine is about the adults. We started talking about a relative and a friend who recently married each other, but they live in different countries. The friend is about to get his U.S. citizenship, but was considering leaving the U.S. to move to his wife’s place in a European country currently undergoing significant economic instability. He could in all likelihood not find a job. But the conversation also extended to the likelihood of success of this marriage. She is fourteen years older than he is (53 to his 39), and will not be able to have children. He does not have children from a previous marriage and has said he doesn’t mind. But there was a lot of speculation put forth on the matter on whether or not he understood what he was getting into. If he was aware that soon he’d be in his mid 40s, while she would be in her 60s. Of course, there I am at the table (this particular conversation took place in Spanish, thank goodness, which my husband does not speak), married to a man 14 years older than me who cannot have children. Oddly enough, something positive actually happened inside my brain when I heard what has been a big source of my anxieties over the years played out in conversation about someone else before me. I realized how happy I actually am in my relationship. I know the couples having this conversation are thrilled with their children, but I’m not really sure how thrilled they are with each other. As I thought about my own life, how it is now, without projecting into an imaginary fearful future (who knows what the future brings), I realized that yeah, there are things I want now, like a better job and more financial stability for myself (husband has a good job), but I’m actually pretty content.

  4. IrisD Says:

    Sorry, to take up so much space, but this one is a whine. I live in Florida and we get hurricanes. For some reason, Lisa’s last post referencing “hurricanes” with an actual picture, had me dreaming that I was crawling on my stomach at night on a narrow, but long strip of sand, as a hurricane blew over me. This was followed up, of course, by a dream of a couple’s home birth. :{

  5. Wolfers Says:

    *JUST* had a baby in my office. 😦 Me very vulnerable after writing a blog post, feeling sorry for myself..and *pop*…a co-worker brought her baby in the carrier and she went “hi!” seeing me, carrying the baby into my office. I was just like the deer caught in the headlights- and then I politely avoided looking at the baby- but I got a whiff of the baby powder and hint of poop, and I cracked down. I told the co-worker I’m busy right now- so she left.I don’t care if she think me rude.
    I closed the door, with tears flooding up my eyes.

    I need a drink. Serious.
    thank gods I’m leaving for NYC tonight… staying away from babies for 5 days (hopefully the friend and her husband-to-be did not invite anyone with babies to wedding this Saturday!)

    • Elena Says:

      Sorry for your experience and sorry to say so… but if you’re going to a wedding, you’d better prepare yourself for more babies 😦

  6. Mali Says:

    I’m too embarrassed to say my whine. Let’s just say it is aimed at me, and has a lot to do with procrastination and willpower (or lack of it).


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