Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday: Family Obligations June 20, 2012

My whine today is for my friend who was planning to attend a three-day conference for her personal passion this summer, but now has to go on vacation with her extended family of in-laws.

To make matters worse, she and her husband had no input into the destination decision, and so my friend, who does not have children of her own, will be spending her vacation time on a “family-friendly” cruise.

Needless to say, she is not thrilled.

It’s Whiny Wednesday, your chance to gripe about matters big or small.

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11 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday: Family Obligations”

  1. CiCi Says:

    I want to have a body of a person who doesn’t have children…is that wrong? haha Honestly if I can’t have children, I at least want to look like I’ve never had children…and enjoy it 🙂

    • Julie Says:

      YES!! I carry my weight in my abdomen, so I get glances a lot from people, and I’m sure they are thinking “oh! maybe she finally got pregnant!” it’s been a big motivator to work out and to find some cure for bloating!

    • Mali Says:

      Yes!!! Me too. I jokingly (though not really joking) say I’m aiming to get back to my pregnancy weight. I’d lost a lot of weight before conceiving my second ectopic pregnancy – and now that’s my goal. Sigh.

      • hmelissar Says:

        Yes, sometimes I see people with kids who have gone back to their original skinny weight, while I am 80 pounds heavier than I was in high school. Ironically though, sometimes I think that my more typical 41 year old muffin top makes me look more like a mom! 🙂

    • kris Says:

      Oh, me too! I’m verging on the ‘fat or pregnant’ dilemma and it’s got me bummed out. My added whine is that I can’t seem to get off my ass to do the necessary work and magical wishing isn’t working!

  2. Kate B Says:

    Your friend has my deepest sympathies. I hate forced family vacations. I was forced into one while we were doing ART. I had to shoot up my gonal-f in a truck stop on the Garden State Parkway. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive my mother-in-law for that one.
    My whine for today is that i have one always-cold employee and one always-hot employee. I’m tired of the war over the thermostat!

  3. Kellie Says:

    My whine is about the DH and my in-laws…my husband moved away from his family for 22 years and now that we are back in the same town, he feels that he needs to make up for lost time. (He only lived 5 hours away for those 22 years, so it’s not like he never made the trip up north). It seems like we are constantly having to do things with the in-laws and he just can’t ever say no to anything. I plan something to do, and if my MIL plans something the same day, I get trumped. It’s starting to affect my relationship with my DH and my in-laws. We have talked about it, but it doesn’t seem to get any better. Not quite sure what to do….I am just having to suck it up, which I am not too good at!

  4. Mali Says:

    I have the opposite (in some ways) moan about my in-laws. As I’ve moaned before (I’m sure), I live in the same town as my in-laws. All my husband’s brothers and their families live overseas – closest is about an 8 hour flight away. And they have done for years (the last brother left 12 years ago). And now that we feel like moving, exploring, my husband is very reluctant to do so, as his parents are aging. Meanwhile the others are offshore doing what they want, making big money, rarely returning. Because we are holding the fort. And a couple of weeks ago, my MIL said to us (I think one of the SILs must have said something) that she “hopes we aren’t stayiing in NZ because of them,” And what could we say? We’re not going to say “of course we are.” But I didn’t want to say “of course we’re not” either. Because that wouldn’t be true. So I was kind of angry at my husband, but realise he was in a no-win situation. And I know I’m becoming increasingly resentful of this.

    OK. Whine over.

    But as for your friend – I have to say that if my in-laws organised something without consulting us, and the timing interfered with something I desperately wanted and had planned to do, I would be sending my husband on his own. (Actually, I think he’d be the first to refuse to go, grateful for using me as an excuse). Family friendly cruise? What a nightmare!

  5. IrisD Says:

    Before infertility (or at least knowing we were infertile) I never saw IVF as something I’d want to try. I saw friends go through it without no results after spending thousands and I did not like the idea of injecting myself full of hormones and going through all sorts of medical procedures…. hit age 40 and I found myself open to anything… my husband was not… not open to the roller coaster ride of disappointment, and frankly not open to undergoing inspection… so at age 43, as I’m driving home, I hear this ad from a local IVF clinic… baby in background, little kid telling mommy “I wuv you” and a message that if you do not achieve your goal of a child, they will return you financial investment…. now???? for me money without guarantee had been an issue. At my current age, my sense is that by “guaranteed results” they mean egg donor. I think of friends that went through failed IVFs or of myself a few years ago, hesitating because of costs and now, NOW, they say money back guaranteed…. Now?!

    • Maria Says:

      It’s not just the money. Can they return to you your sanity, the wasted years of suffering, anxiety, depression, and repair the damage to your marriage if they can’t “make” it happen? They can keep the money if they can guarantee me that I will be a sane and happy person if I am unsuccessful with IVF.

  6. Hat Says:

    My neighbour, a young woman who just bought her first house last year with her fiance, and then she got pregnant (apparently) and ysterday she asked if we wanted to meet our newest neightbour. her 2 month old. I must have seemed like the biggest most awkward weirdo to her. But she doesnt know anything about us… so.. She proceeded to tell me all the wonderful details etc… weight etc. and all i could think was that i wanted to pull all Collin Farrel and yell “GOOD FOR YOU!!!!”


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