Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Father’s Day June 15, 2012

Sunday is Father’s Day here and, to be honest, it had barely entered my mind until my brother mentioned that he was looking forward to some extra presents in addition to the ones he got for his birthday earlier this week.

Maybe it slipped my mind because Father’s Day doesn’t come with same folderol as Mother’s Day. Or maybe it’s because Mr. Fab has grown children, so he doesn’t feel quite the same loss I do on Mother’s Day. Or perhaps, it didn’t occur to me because most of the readers of this blog (at least the participating ones) are women. All the same, I feel remiss that I almost let the day go by without mention.

There are (theoretically) just as many childless men as there are women, and you probably know at least one. Maybe he’s not making a big fuss about the coming day, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be feeling any pain. He may just be being “manly” and keeping his emotions close.

So, if you happen to know a non-dad, check in on him this weekend and make sure he’s doing okay. And let us know what you plan to do to get him through the day.

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12 Responses to “Father’s Day”

  1. Jenny Says:

    I’m not sure what we’re going to do. My husband is sad we don’t have children but he was never into the whole “Father’s Day” thing and never really felt affected by it. We aren’t attending church at the moment and here that is where all the hubub usually is. This year is poignant for other reasons. We’ll be spending the day with my dad who has been ill and may in fact have Alzheimers. 😦

  2. Lois Says:

    Father’s Day is usually just a tiny blip on my radar (like Columbus Day). Since my dad passed when I was 16, I barely notice father’s day. Now since being married, my husband has a dad, but he takes care of celebrating him (card, gift, dinner out) and I’m not really involved beyond wishing him well. It’d be nice if Mother’s Day was this painless.
    I don’t think it bothers my husband, really, not being a dad on Father’s Day. Not that he shows it, and I think I’ve asked him about it before.

  3. Kate B Says:

    I haven’t noticed Father’s Day in years. My father passed away 30 years ago and I’ve had no reason to celebrate it since. I just think of it as the final day of the US Open. (Major golf tournament for non-sports fans.)

  4. Because my hubby rarely mentions the pain of being childless, i’d not given it much thought until a couple of years ago. He spoke with much bitterness after a church service. We’d not attended Mother’s Day stuff for a while, but i hadn’t realized FD was bothering him. From that time on we have made it a point not to attend services on either day. We both still have our dads, and give a card. We usually do give a gift to my FIL, because that family does gifts more and we are closer (physically and emotionally).

  5. CiCi Says:

    While my husband handles the whole childless business pretty darned well, I want to still make him feel slightly special that day in case it happens to hit him when he doesn’t expect it to. So I’m getting up early and making him a nice breakfast, serving it in bed, then giving him a funny card from our baby girl (black lab). We are heading off to my sister’s house (who is also childless) to celebrate our dad and father in laws by cooking them a big meal. It should be a nice leisurely day. And I’m looking forward to it without guilt of what my body refuses to produce. It’s nice having days of peace, even if this newness only lasts a month 🙂

  6. Kellie Says:

    I have a couples massage schedule for Sunday and then we will have Father’s Day with his Dad. I will see my dad the following weekend. I am a bit concerned as his best friend just became a father and doesn’t have a father….his wife just lost her dad last month. Since this is the couple that have made Steve’s parents the grandparents of their new baby….they might infringe on our day. I am a bit nervous about them showing up – it would be just like them to do that – it would also just be like my MIL to invite them…not thinking about how it would make their son feel.

    Oh well…..I am trying not to worry about the what-if’s and just take the day as it comes.

  7. loribeth Says:

    I’m fortunate (?) in that my parents live far away — so I pop a card in my mail & call my dad & I’m done. FIL lives about 15 minutes away, and we will be going to see him on Saturday night, along with BIL & his family. I didn’t realize until a few years ago just how much it bothered dh to make that Father’s Day visit, but I’m not sure how we’d get out of it. We do generally spend Father’s Day by ourselves — often at the movies (I let him set the agenda for the da). I always get him a card.

  8. Wolfers Says:

    I plan to check with two male friends this weekend- I’m just regretting that I’m not in same town as ’em, otherwise I’d take ’em out- fishing, hiking, or shopping (yes, one guy LOVES shopping, which is fine with me). I had also written a post about guys going through infertility themselves, especially with getting feedback from several non-father friends about their insights- funny- they didn’t know of each other, but after reading my post (their statements putting into a pool to make it of one guy out of five), they realize they aren’t alone. One even asked me if I can let others know if he could talk with them. So that’s a step…

  9. Mali Says:

    It isn’t Father’s Day here. We have it in September. So I’m not noticing it at all!

  10. Lois Says:

    After saying it didn’t bother my husband, he said yesterday that for the first time it bothered him. Special focus on dads in the church service combined with a cute little girl sitting with her dad in front of us the whole time.
    Makes me sad for me because he rarely mentions things like that.

  11. Jen Says:

    Father’s Day looms in Australia this coming Sunday (2nd Sept). For the first time, my husband has mentioned how the constant advertisements of this day to celebrate, in the newspapers, junk mail, tv, etc are just everywhere. It’s always been ‘in your face’ like every other calendar must-do event, like Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc, but this is the first time he’s mentioned to me that yes, it affects him. It pulls at the heart strings. I have this silly idea of making him a card, getting him a little something and celebrating a new tradition in our household – Happy Husband’s Day (or Happy Man’s Day), or something. Has anyone else tried this? I don’t want him to struggle like I do on Mother’s Day, and I hate pointing out the loss-aspect by using the Happy NON-Father’s Day angle. Is it better to throw a different light on this difficult day of reminders, or better to do nothing at all?


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