Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday: Giving Up my First-Born May 16, 2012

Last week I got the chance to see just how far I’ve come in my healing process.

I was at the Apple store, attempting to solve what should have been a simple problem, but never is, when the helpful genius said, “We can do that for you, but you’ll have to give us your first-born.”

There was a short cricket-filled silence while I processed all the reasons this was an inappropriate thing to say (at least to me) and all the possible responses I could give back.

Then I laughed and said, “Sure, no problem, where do I sign?”

Little did he realize that he was getting the short end of the stick in the deal and I left feeling strangely vindicated and pleased at how far I’ve come.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. Who’s ticked you off this week? And how far have you come?

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20 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday: Giving Up my First-Born”

  1. Andrea Says:

    Wow, it’s funny how a simple little thing like this that we’re all used to hearing every once in a while can all of a sudden become a significant phrase for us; I completely understand that one! I’m on HRT so when I’m on the progesterone, I tend to be a little more sensitive about everything (and by a little more I mean a total basket case), but thankfully when I’m on the estrogen I have happy days. I think this is the first Wednesday in a while where I don’t feel a need to “whine” about something (maybe it’s because it’s only 8:00 am?), so… I think I’m slowly progressing toward a better place..! Hopefully it runs through the progesterone days to come, as well.

  2. ootastic Says:

    Well done you 😉 Today I’ve been surprised by yet another pregnancy announcement, which I figure serves me right for reading Facebook 😉 But I did offer to knit them a baby hat…

  3. Cortney Lyon Says:

    Since Sunday is my typical bowling practice morning I went to the bowling alley as usual. One of my friends (one of many it seems) is pregnant and I’ve been handling it well over all, trying to be a supportive friend first but on Sunday-of all the Sundays- she ran over to me and snatched my hand before I knew what she was doing and put it on her stomach just in time for me to feel a kick. My eyes welled up quicker than a flash flood and I had to leave shortly there after because I just couldn’t take it after that- she doesn’t know that I will be childless yet, so it’s not her fault. But it hurt.

  4. Maria Says:

    My brother’s wife had a baby at 42 naturally — it was purely an accident. My brother is 45, his wife is now 44. My brother’s wife’s sister (who is 39) has been going through infertility treatment for 3 years with multiple rounds of IVF with one successful implanation that “had to be removed” as my brother puts it because the embryo was had severe defects. My brother knows I went through 5 years of infertility and 1 miscarriage. I asked him how his sister-in-law was doing and offered to be there for her to talk to. He said she was incredibly angry but that’s what she gets for “waiting so long.” I was so upset and shocked by his comment because I realize that’s what he probably thinks of me too. He doesn’t even consider that he and his wife “waited too long” but were lucky to be the recipient of a miracle. I stood up for his sister-in-law and said, she wasn’t waiting. I reminded him her husband was very sick for a very long time, he could have died, she spent years taking care of him, once they realized he was going to be ok, that was probably the first opportunity she had to feel it was possible. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, yeah, i guess, maybe. Me being able to respond to this type of insensitive comment rather than just leave and cry in the car ride home shows I have come a long way. I just wish I had said something to defend myself too.I know my family thinks I put it off too long (because they all had children whenever they wanted) and now they are all thinking told you so. The reality is that I didn’t meet the man I wanted to have children with (my husband) until I was 30, he wasn’t ready to get married again (burned on a divorce) until I was 35 and within a year later we started trying I found out I had problems that would have made it imossible to get pregnant even in my 20s. When I’m able to articulate that to my family, then I guess that will show that I not only have come a long way but I have arrived.

  5. Lee Cockrum Says:

    A friend had all these pregnancy photos taken last week, and posted a bunch of them on FB. There are just so many little things that just cut my heart like a knife.

  6. Kate B Says:

    I’ve got nothing. I think I’m not going to whine for a while. Last week, my future sister-in-law – the one of the wedding in Italy that I’ve whined about in the past – had a malignant melanoma removed from her leg. They don’t think they got it all. There were cancer cells in her bloodwork, so it may have metastisized. She was having scans this week. So. like I said, I’ve got nothing.

    • loribeth Says:

      Oh Kate, I so hear you. 😦 A dear cousin, same age as me (unmarried & childless) was recently diagnosed with breast cancer — mastectomy, chemo & tamoxifin. And I learned today that a good friend’s stepdaughter was just diagnosed with lymphoma. Cancer sucks. :p

  7. Klara Says:

    Lisa – bravo for your respond!!!
    Well done!

  8. jeopardygirl Says:

    I volunteer with a theatre festival in my former home city, and this year, I’m in a position of some responsibility. Training was supposed to take place next Thursday, so I booked a hotel room, because it’s a fair distance away. I just found out they have rescheduled the training for the following Monday, but because I went through Hotwire, I am locked into my original hotel booking, and I can’t afford to add more nights (although that is an option). Grrr.

  9. Quasi-Momma Says:

    I’m ticked off at myself. I feel like a child today, and not in a good way. My attitude is awful, just awful. I reacted to badly to Skid’s usual ignoring this morning, I’m taking criticism way too personally today, and throwing myself a pity party on both the childless and stepmom front… I don’t even want to hang around me today.

  10. CiCi Says:

    On the evening of mother’s day, I received a text from one of the other girls in church asking for a list of all the women in the church because she wanted to do something for them the next day. I ripped out half my hair, then calming sent her the church directory list. Of course, immediately following she asked if all of them were mothers. There went the rest of the hair on my head. I didn’t respond.
    She doesn’t know my troubles and so I have no real reason to be upset with her directly but it cut me! Stupid holiday!

    • Elena Says:

      CiCi why do you put yourself through stuff like that!!!?? Just tell the woman plainly that a “surprise” for mothers day might NOT be a good idea because some women might be childless, or estranged from their children or similar situations and it will hurt them. You don’t have to talk about yourself – just make her aware of the facts!
      on Sunday night I spoke to my woman friend (a mother of two, one of them my godchild) who is a minister and she said she had to preach on that day and was kind of urged by other people in the church to speak about mother’s day. and she really went to a lot of trouble to turn that request around so she could be considerate about women who are NOT mothers in her speech. And she asked me how i felt about mother’s day. That was a very nice conversation. But i don’t think it would have happened if i hadn’t been very open with my friend about my situation and how i felt about not being a mother.

      • CiCi Says:

        I’ll get there eventually…just wasn’t ready or willing to open myself up to someone that I don’t trust with my heart. I barely know this person. Good for you for speaking up about it. I know that people need to be aware of everyone’s feelings and for them to be taken into consideration so it’s great that you have a friend that you were able to share that with.

  11. Kellie Says:

    I don’t have anything today either….I have realized through many other infertility blogs that I have read lately, that some others have it so much worse that I do at this moment. Whether it’s going through infertility at a much younger age, terminal illnesses, deaths….whatever it may be, today I am feeling very thankful!

  12. Wolfers Says:

    Recently I had been invited to a get-together with some friends and some friends of friends. After months of no socializing (going out to drink or chat at restaurants), I decided, gotta go, I can’t stay home and feel sorry for myself. So it was today, almost two hours ago… I showed up at the restaurant, happy to see friends. I ordered a margarita to celebrate being out of the house and being with friends. Now, before I go on, I had the hysterectomy three months ago…(didn’t want it, but had no options) and my stomach hadn’t yet recovered.

    The waitress said “Are you pregnant? I can’t get you your drink.”

    Some folks cracked up laughing, finding it funny.

    I didn’t. I went home.

  13. Mali Says:

    Lisa, I could hear the “cricket-filled silence” but loved the way your story ended.

    Now, as usual, it is Thursday here, the sun is shining and it’s a beautiful if cold winter day, I had an MRI yesterday (and only freaked out once at the claustrophobia), a nice haircut on Tuesday, and so I really have nothing much to whine about so for a change I won’t.

  14. Ceej Says:

    In a similar vein, while at my garage talking to my mechanic about our car and other small talk he started talking about his frustrating hunt for a car for his picky 16 year old daughter. His story finished with….”well, you know how teenaged daughters are”….. same “cricket-filled silence” and then I just chuckled and brushed it off. However, during that “silence” there was a moment where my stomach hit the floor…NO! I DON”T know how teenaged daughters are…. Then my rational mind reminded myself that this nice mechanic has NO idea of our family situation and so is not to blame for his socially-appropriate comment however inappropriate it was towards me.


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