Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

M-Day Safe Haven May 11, 2012

I’ve been reading your comments this week and I can see that many of you are battening down the hatches in preparation for this weekend’s “festivities.” RESOLVE got onboard, too, and sent out an email, with some positive tips on coping with the day.

These are good tips, but the problem is they’re all positive and don’t include the option to stay in bed until Monday rolls around. And I say this with my tongue nowhere near my cheek.

I think the key to getting through this weekend is self-preservation, whatever that looks like for you. For me, this once would have meant staying home and avoiding any social interactions at all. This year, it will mean trying to have a pleasant, ordinary Sunday with perhaps a walk or bike ride. And while I’m now in a position to handle a casually cast “Happy Mother’s Day” from a stranger, I will still be avoiding restaurants and stores where I might get pulled into a Mother’s Day mêlée (like the time our local breakfast eatery was handing out flowers to all the mothers and I left empty-handed. Not nice.)

I’ve been really inspired lately by the way this community has rallied around one another and offered support to other members in need. You are an amazing group of women and I am so glad to have the chance to get to know you just a little.

Over on the private site, there’s a Mother’s Day Safe Haven forum that started up a couple of years ago. If this weekend starts to get the better of you, please consider heading over there for support or just to vent. You do have to make it through this weekend, but you don’t have to do it alone.

I’m sending good wishes out to you today and I’ll look forward to seeing you back here on Monday, when the mommy madness will be over and we can hopefully get back to our regularly scheduled programing.


15 Responses to “M-Day Safe Haven”

  1. Angela Says:

    Thanks for that! I was considering going to church with my parents on Sunday but you made me realize that’s one of the worst places for me on that day! Yikes, I almost really did myself in there! I say that semi-jokingly, but not really.

  2. Kellie Says:

    Hope you have a great weekend Lisa….I am sure I will be hanging out on this site quite a bit throughout the weekend….so nice to have a place to go on Sunday!

  3. Quasi-Momma Says:

    Thanks for being out “Harbor Master” Lisa! I so appreciate the work you do.

  4. loribeth Says:

    Have a good weekend, everyone! I plan to follow my usual strategy: avoidance, lol. Probably hiding out at the movies with Johnny Depp. ; )

    • Lee Cockrum Says:

      We hung with Johnny Depp today! I’ll be honest, I think the movie did not live up to its hype:( Johnny was his fabulous self, but I think Tim Burton lost his way part way through.

  5. Kira Says:

    Heck yeah, I am pretty resistant most of the time but its already starting, I got yet another rendition of “its not to late” Deep concern on their part, sadness, the WHOLE routine. I say, really?? I’m 44.

    Pause. discomfort. Well, those hollywood folks…um, you could still ADOPT…you look younger than I thought….Wow, thanks, a compliment that unceasingly makes me feel like crap.

    Yummy. How grey do I have to get for this to end?! Ugh, a gal had a darling little one and even me, some days I wonder what if….ship sailed for me, it is what it is but my strategy…

    Hiking. A thigh burning wonder to distract myself in the nice weather but going no where near restaurants or other people. Avoidance yes, but I feel a need for that right now.

    Best to everyone, Kira

    • Maria Says:

      I get the same routine all the time. I look 10 to 15 years younger than my age (43), so I get these comments all the time. I stopped coloring my hair to show the grays and I still get the comments. When I tell them it’s not possible, I’m 43, didn’t you see all this gray hair, they say, oh! I thought those were blonde highlights. I guess I act very youthful — probably because kids have never weighed me down.:) We get the, you still can adopt, comments too. My husband is 51 and it would take 4 to 5 years to complete the adoption process but people still can’t understand why we would not want to be caring for a teenager in our 60s. Anyway, I have told people straight out, I think when you have children, it’s not about you anymore, it’s what is best for them, and I don’t think it’s best for a young child to be living with someone old enough to be their grandparents. Just because I look I can be a mom right now, doesn’t mean I should.

      • Maria Says:

        Typo, I am 46. How weird is it that I forgot my age? I am getting old.

      • Kira Says:

        You’re not getting old, you just don’t feel anywhere NEAR 46 No wonder you forget! 🙂

        Thanks for your comments, my husband is 50 and we feel the same way.

      • Quasi-Momma Says:

        I love how people say “well you look younger than you are” like it’s some consolation prize.

      • Maria Says:

        Thanks Kira – you’re right, I don’t feel my age. Sometimes I have to do the math to figure out my age and when I hear the number, I’m like yikes, when did that happen. And yes, QM, I agree and don’t even think they say it as a compliment, it’s more defensive like, how am I supposed to know when you don’t dress/act your age. I’ve started giving this response, “it’s ok, i forgive you, i know it happens because I look absolutely fabulous for my age.”

  6. Dorothy Says:

    Thank you for providing safe haven to those of us who are still grieving our losses. I can tell how far I have come in the healing process because I plan to go to church this Sunday and wish my mommy friends a happy m-day. I will also pray to thank the Lord for my own sweet mum who joined him in heaven a few years ago.

    I could not have made this progress without God’s grace and the support of this wonderful community. Thank you!

  7. Maria Says:

    I’ll be checking this website throughout the day on Mother’s Day offering my friendship and support. Hang in their everybody, it will be over soon.

  8. hohan Says:

    I love this blog and community! I want to say thank you for dropping my anxiety levels and allowing me to grieve, feel, laugh, etc… Happy “Ladies” day!

  9. littlemanleo Says:

    5 more minutes to go in EST … it’s almost over! I didn’t go to church, but I *did* wish many of my mom friends Happy Day via text message, and I also reached out to the ones who, like me, no longer have their mothers. (And, for good or for bad, I ignored communications from a couple of pregnant women friends that I just couldn’t deal with talking to.) Overall, not the worst MD ever. Two more minutes …

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