Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Friends January 30, 2012

Yesterday I had lunch with two friends, Kathleen and Pamela.

Kathleen writes the fabulous “It Got Me Thinking…” column here on LWB. We first met five or six years ago in a writing class. Back then, both of us planned to become mothers someday, although looking back, it’s now apparent that we were both on the path to being permanently childfree, even then. We connected because we appreciated one another’s writing, and over the years, we found other things in common and became better friends. It just so happens that neither of us got our dream of motherhood, and our childlessness has become another bond that ties us to one another.

My friendship with Pamela, on the other hand, developed on a completely different trajectory. Our paths might never have crossed had I not found myself childless-not-by-choice. Although we live in the same state, we lived 400 miles apart with little in our lives to ever bring us together. But Pamela is the author of Silent Sorority, and I got to know her through her blog. Eventually, we met in person last year, and we soon discovered that our childlessness was only one of many things we have in common, and in fact, one of the least interesting. Our childlessness brought us together, but it won’t be what sustains our friendship. More likely, it will be wine, food, and travel.

It’s funny how life twists and turns, how connections are made and paths laid out. We meet people and we lose people. Some friends stick, some fall to the wayside. Friends change and move in different directions, and new friends come along and fill the void. Our plans change and our lives spin in directions we could never have foreseen. And yet, when the dust settles and we regain our balance, we often see that we are walking the path we were always meant to be on after all. And it’s encouraging to look around and discover that we have friends walking beside us.

In two weeks time, I’ll get the chance to meet some more wonderful women, when the San Francisco Group does lunch. I’m looking forward to finding things in common, and maybe making new friends.


8 Responses to “Friends”

  1. It was delightful to see you both! So interesting, isn’t it, the unusual or unexpected intersections that allow us to discover and grow new friendships…

  2. loribeth Says:

    Totally JEALOUS!!! But glad you had a good time. ; )

  3. Klara Says:

    How I wish I could have lunch with the three of you one day!!!

  4. Kellie Says:

    I have yet to meet anyone (at least that I am aware of) who is childless-not-by-choice since moving up to Northern California three years ago. I am SO looking forward to our luncheon next month to meet new women, hopefully making new friends and finding things in common.

  5. Mali Says:

    Like Loribeth, I’m totally jealous!! I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately – this was beautiful and what I needed to read right now.

  6. stinkb0mb Says:

    i’m so jealous, i have NO friends who can related to where i am in life, none and worst of all NONE without children. to say i feel lonely is an understatement!

    enjoy your catch up!


  7. Jennifer Says:

    HI everyone – I’m new to the “childless not by choice” community and in fact, this is my first comment ever after reading some of the blogs for the last few weeks. Is anyone aware of a meet up like you describe, but in NYC? Thanks so much – for any information and also just for existing! So great to know I’m not alone. Warmly, Jennifer

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