Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Transformations January 19, 2012

I’ve been following La Belette Rouge on and off for a while now. It’s been interesting to watch her progress.

In the early days, she blogged frequently about her infertility. As she began coming to terms with being childless-not-by-choice, she talked more about her run-ins with her therapist, and the cracks that began to appear in her marriage.

I haven’t checked in on her for a while, so when she blipped onto my radar last week, I was taken aback, but pleased to see this post, Not the Mama/ You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

What a transformation. Here’s a woman who tried almost everything imaginable to get the child she so desperately wanted, and here she is now, standing up and having the courage to say this:

“I feel crazy grateful for how everything worked out so very perfectly. And I think about how if I had gotten what I hoped and prayed and paid Reproductive Endocrinologists for that I would now be a very unhappy gal who likely would not have had the courage to do what I did in March (leave) and how I certainly would not be in this new relationship with this wonderful man who makes me ridiculously happy.”

I know how long it took her to get to this point, and she is the first to admit that there are still days when she is “punched in the ovaries” by a reminder of what she doesn’t have. But, oh, the progress she’s made.

She includes a quote from Truman Capote in her post:

“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.”

I know for me, there are days, that I can see clearly how my life is better just the way it turned out. And those days are increasing in number all the time.


5 Responses to “Transformations”

  1. Mali Says:

    I read that too, and loved it. It’s how I feel most of the time now – that I’m almost pleased I didn’t get what I want. Or at least, that I can embrace it and love it.

  2. stinkb0mb Says:

    i must admit, the number of days that i think, hey perhaps i don’t want children, perhaps they AREN’T for me, perhaps, what we have right now actually IS right for us have vastly begun to outnumber the days i yearn for children.

    and i love that quote – “More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.” so, so, SO, true!

  3. Amel Says:

    My feelings are like Stinkbomb’s. I have many more days like that nowadays. 😀

  4. Dear Lisa, There are not enough words to describe how touched I am by this very lovely and generous post. I too can’t believe how far I have come. I NEVER-NEVER-NEVER thought I would be grateful to be childless and yet I am. Miracles do happen, just not always the kind you’d hope for.
    Thanks again for your generous and beautiful post. I am deeply touched.

  5. Klara Says:

    I read Tracey’s post and I loved it.

    The song “You can’t always get what you want” is also one of my favourite songs of the last decade. So true. It is just the fact of life.

    And I loved Tracey’s quote:
    “Now I am free. I am free to do what I want and to spend my time and money the way I want. Now I get to spend my life doing what I want to do. ”

    I feel the same way! Well, at least most of the days.

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