Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday: Taking Liberties January 18, 2012

Recently, my friend calling me, fuming.

She’d been “volunteered” to co-host a baby shower for a woman she knows. Note that I didn’t say a “for a friend.” This woman is the wife of her partner’s colleague. Their relationship is such that she’s only heard about the pregnancy through the grapevine, and not even from the woman herself.

The kicker? The other two “volunteer” co-hosts are both women who don’t have children.

Maybe my friend should be flattered that her organizational skills are so valued, but she doesn’t feel that way. She feels it’s assumed she has time to put together a party because she doesn’t have kids (even though she’s a busy business owner.)

I’m wondering if that person is also thinking that these married, childless women are going to be paid back some time soon with showers of their own. I can’t speak for the other two women, but that’s not the case with my friend, and organizing a celebration for someone else’s baby is not something she’s currently glad to do.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. You can whine on behalf of a put-upon friend if you’d like, or feel free to whine for yourself.

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15 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday: Taking Liberties”

  1. loribeth Says:

    I already blogged about this, but it’s become a daily occurrence lately, so I need to vent some more. ; ) The daughter of the woman in the cubicle across from mine is expecting a baby any day now (my coworker’s first grandchild). Of course, she has every right to be excited — but she hosts a daily “huddle” each morning in her cubicle with her team, and the number one item on the agenda every single morning this week has been a baby update. And of course, every single word comes over to me, loud & clear. The other two moms on the team chime in with their own experiences; the starry-eyed young single girls sigh “Awwww…!” & everyone giggles. I actually had to grab my purse & leave for an early coffee break yesterday morning; these things generally don’t bother me quite as much as they once did, but really, there ARE limits… ; )

  2. Heather Armstrong Says:

    yesterday at work I came close to NOT finishing a manicure I was giving. A co-worker of mine was complaining to me about how her soon to be ex husband wanted to change her days with their two little boys so he could go snowmobiling. They share the kids right now. When he has them she is forever trying to get people to go out with her, or posting what is there to do questions on her facebook. He takes them all the days that he is off work. She is mad that he wants to switch days with her because he has plans. She is upset that now her weekend will have to be with her boys. I had to remove myself from the conversation by telling her that I was the wrong person for her to be complaining too. That she should feel LUCKY to have these little boys, lucky that they can share custody of the two, instead of mad that he would ask her to “watch” her own children while he has a weekend plan. Like I said, I almost stopped the polish mid way… selfish, ungrateful, 27 year old mom…

  3. Mali Says:

    Lisa, I am horrified for your friend, and would flatly refuse to do it. Loribeth, I sympathies. I would have hated hearing that when I was young and single and not yet trying for a baby. At the least, it is unprofessional.

    My whine is that I am still suffering from a nasty cold that has lasted TWO weeks – Dr says this is going round. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. Arghh.

  4. Julie Says:

    There is a woman I know, who I thought was a friend, who has decided that I should not be a part of her life. We mostly stay in touch through social networks (lately, google+ has won out), and I haven’t seen her in person since October. She recently announced she is pregnant with twins (she is 37 and tried for maybe 3 months), but I didn’t hear it from her filtered post that she made to her friends; I found out through her public post to her family days later. That’s how I found out she had deleted me. And now she has set up her account to block me from reading any comments she makes on mutual friends’ posts (I didn’t even know that was possible). I have absolutely no idea what I did to offend her so much that she has to cut me out so completely. I’m trying to shrug it off, but not seeing her comments when others are commenting on hers (sort of like missing half of a conversation) just makes me feel so left out.

  5. Lee Cockrum Says:

    Something that bugs me are the parking spaces for expectant mothers, or those with small children. It is not that I think the spaces are “wrong”, it is that they are just another reminder of what I will never be, what I will never have. It sucks when a flippin parking space makes you sad.

    • mccxxiii Says:

      CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE: I park in those pregnant lady/moms with children spaces every chance I get. That’s my way of thumbing my nose at a God/fate/nature/whatever that has given me this particular cross to bear.

      Plus, screw ’em. 🙂 If you *choose* to get pregnant/have a bunch of kids, then you do so knowing that sometimes you’re going to have to walk a long way in a parking lot. Life’s all about trade-offs — live with it.

      I have an occasional knee pain problem from a college sports injury — not nearly bad enough for a handicapped sticker, but bad enough that walking a distance hurts sometimes. Why is one “suffering” worthy of a special space and another isn’t?

      I simply refuse to participate in that system. And I DARE somebody to call me on it. (They probably won’t, because I’m plump and busty, and I could easily be confused as ‘a little pregnant’ without very careful examination. Lucky me. 😉

      N.B.: I *NEVER* park in a handicapped spot, EVER, because those are for actual, legitimate handicapped people (including certain members of my family) and it makes me SO angry to see that abused. That’s a totally different thing.

  6. Re DuVernay Says:

    This is only vaguely related to my non-mom status, but stupid people tick me off!

    I was working the cash register the other day at a store when one of my customers starts complaining about her grandkids and then looks at me and says:
    “You know what I mean right? Do you have any grandkids?”

    I replied:
    “I’m 24 years old.”

    so she says:
    “Okaaaay, but do you have grandkids?”

    I said:
    “That would mean that I was twelve when I had a kid who the subsequently ALSO had a child at 12.”

    and she says:
    “So is that a no?”

    I said:
    “That’s definitely a no.”

    after she walked out I turned to the woman who had been behind her in line and heard the whole thing and I said:
    “MAN, I know people sometimes think I’m older than I am, but I’ve nevr had somebody think I was old enough for grandkids, I’m only 24!”

    and she says:
    “Well I’m only 56 and I have grandkids!”

  7. Elena Says:

    Julie – maybe she knows that she is going to post lots of pregnancy updates etc. and doesn’t want to hurt you? Still she could have talked to you about it, i guess.
    Whine No1: Have got an evil cold, too.
    Cool about not having kids: Stay in Bed and watch DVD all day when you got an evil cold.
    Whine no2: I went on a business trip in november with a collegue who is 31, recently married, moved into a new house with her husband…. and she’s chattering away all the time about her plans for the future and sure, she’s planning on kids, because “we are not like those women who are now around 40 and who put their careers first and didn’t have kids”. I say nothing… later during the trip she asks “how old are you exactly” and I say 39 and she goes “oh, i thought you were younger”…. and i remained hoping that at least she now realized that she hurt me, but we didn’t talk about it. And yesterday i get email from her saying she won’t be coming to certain meetings because she’s pregnant. I thought i got used to it but that one really hit me.

  8. Kate B Says:

    No real whine this week, except for that it appears winter finally decided to show up in the Northeast. I’m not happy about that.

  9. Lois Says:

    I stopped by to see a friend recently,,, she had had trouble getting pregnant with their first but is now the proud mama of a bouncing baby. While she understood before, now all she talks about is her baby and how motherhood has changed her life. I sort of dread seeing her because I know the conversation will be all about babies.
    During our visit, she informs me that another acquaintance who had a baby last year is now pregnant with her second. THEN she tells me that a mutual friend is pregnant with twins. This is the first I’ve heard about it and it hits me hard, because I see the gulf that has started between us will only widen once she has children (2 at once, at that).
    I didn’t have a good week after that. My friend I visited is clueless.

  10. CiCi Says:

    My whine this week…my husband’s hours were cut at work. He was already only working 20 hours a week and we were barely squeaking by…now it’s down to 10. Guess it’s a good thing we don’t have children to worry about feeding though. And good thing I have packages of ramen to last a month ahahaha

  11. Angela Says:

    I missed yesterday! But still need to vent… 🙂 Last week I had a heart arrythmia for a few minutes that freaked me out so I went to the ER. Turns out, nothing was found wrong with me, thank goodness, but I’ve been getting alot of concerned calls and emails from family members. I’m glad that I have people who love me and are concerned about me, but when I had an ectopic pregnancy in Nov ’09 and had EMERGENCY surgery and was in the hospital for THREE days, NOBODY FREAKING CARED!!! No phone calls, no emails, no cards, no flowers, no sympathy, other than two friends who stopped by while I was at home recovering. My parents and MIL were there at the hospital, but other than that, no concern at all. That really makes me want to just say “screw you!” to everyone. But now with something minor they’re all concerned?? What is wrong with people?

    Also, I have a friend who I used to hang out with frequently before she had two kids. The youngest is 1.5 yrs old and the last time I saw my friend, I went over to her house to visit. No contact from her since then. I texted her on Thanksgiving and she texted back and said, “Call me sometime!” Of course, she hasn’t called me since then, either. Why do I have to be the one to call? Maybe if she doesn’t have time to call me then I don’t really feel like I need to put in the effort either. Whatever.

  12. stelli Says:

    Since my last ivf failed and I came to the inevitable realization that I will be living a childless life,I’ve been on sick leave. I dont really go out much, except to go the gym or to the movies, all adult-only activities. Yesterday, I decided to go shopping at Ikea and, it wasn’t the best idea. There was kids everywhere I look. I broke into tears as soon as I was safe in my car. I do hope that at some point, I will be able to see a baby and not feel sad. But for the moment, it is just too hard.


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