Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Writing to Heal December 5, 2011

“I write to make peace with the things I cannot control.  I write to create red in a world that often appears black and white.  I write to discover. I write to uncover.   I write myself out of my nightmares and into my dreams.  I write to remember.  I write to forget.  I write to quell the pain.  I write because it allows me to confront that which I do not know.  I write as an act of faith.  I write to the music that opens my heart.

~ Terry Tempest Williams

I love this quote. It sums up everything I feel about the art of writing. Whenever I have one of those days when I wonder why I ever decided to become a writer, or what the point is of my putting the thoughts that are in my head down on paper, I pull out this quote and remember.

When I first started this blog or when I first had the thought that maybe I should write a book, I hadn’t yet found this quote. I just felt an urge to write about what was going on with me. But it turns out that the process touched on every aspect of the quote.

Writing has helped me come to terms with being unable to have children, something that was completely out of my control.

I have definitely discovered and uncovered a lot about myself through writing, and I’ve certainly touched on the areas of being childfree that are far from black and white.

I’ve written myself out of my nightmares and found a way, not to forget, but to move past the nightmare of infertility by committing the stories to paper (or screen.) And I’ve most certainly confronted aspects of myself that I did not know.

If you’re still trying to work through your own thoughts and feelings about not having children, try writing. Even if you don’t want to air your dirty laundry in a blog, get yourself a journal, or ask for one as a gift, and just write. Don’t try to make it good writing, don’t even worry about doing it every day, or finishing a thought. Just write. It will help to clear your mind of all the clutter and sort through some of those feeling that don’t always make sense.


5 Responses to “Writing to Heal”

  1. Mali Says:

    I could not agree more. Keeping a journal, and posting on a support group forum for ectopics, helped me enormously in the early days. It freed my mind from the torture of going over and over what had happened, worried that I would forget. Helping others on the support group, and now blogging, continues to help. Writing helps me understand myself – as I’m writing I make new discoveries, find new insights.

  2. Lynn Says:

    I am 52 and never had children. An enormous void in my life. I always wanted children and took it for granted I would be a mother. Even though I have so many blessings in my life, including my pets who are the children I never had, and I cannot imagine my life without them, I have never really made peace with being childless. Especially when I see pregnant women. I am happy for them, yet sad.

  3. loribeth Says:

    Absolutely!! I have always found writing therapeutic — in diaries/journals, in long letters to friends, on Internet message boards & in recent years in blogs. I didn’t start my blog until almost 10 years after my daughter’s stillbirth & our subsequent decision to end infertility treatments. Four years later, I’m not quite as prolific a writer as I was at first, perhaps, but I still find I have plenty to write about. ; )

  4. Nadine Says:

    So true. I recently particpated in Nanowrimo, which consist of writing a book (50 000 words) in a month. It was hectic and a little bit crazy, but I dit it. I wrote a book, albeit not a very good one. I had always dream of writing a book and it was the first time I actually took the time to do it. I am so happy and proud of this thing that I created.

  5. I love the quote and this post. Writing helps me “defrag” my thoughts and emotions, creating a place where they can intersect in some meaningful way. My journal is filled with half-completed ideas, observations, notes on dreams I had the night before, sketches; it really works for me for me to have a place to explore my inner world. Blogging helps me to connect and expand.

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