Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Energy to Share October 10, 2011

This weekend I put up my Halloween decorations for the first time in maybe five years. My neighbor (who lives in the house behind us) was so excited that she came out to help.

My neighbor and I function on a similar spiritual wavelength and the reason for her excitement has less to do with skull lights and flashing corpses and more to do with her understanding of the significance of me pulling things out of storage and making an effort. She knows much of my story and she’s watched me pull back from the things that used to bring me joy­­–hosting dinner parties, nurturing my vegetable garden, and celebrating the holidays with others. Last year, Mr. Fab and I barely celebrated Christmas at all. My neighbor understands that decorating for Halloween is a sign I’m on the mend.

And I think she’s right. When you’re trying to heal, trying to sort out a mess and get back on track, it’s hard to put energy into anyone or anything but yourself. Getting into the holiday spirit requires a lot of energy to be poured out in other directions. I haven’t had that energy to spare for a long time, but this year, I think it’s back. And I’m glad. I’ve missed it.

For the first time in a long time, I’m really looking forward to the holidays. My friend from England will be here for Thanksgiving and my mum will be here for Christmas. I’m planning what to cook, and I’m getting a tree. But most of all I’m looking forward to sharing the holiday festivities with other people, and pouring positive energy out, instead of turning my energy in on myself.

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3 Responses to “Energy to Share”

  1. stacerella Says:

    Good for you. 🙂 Happy to hear you’re on the mend. We should all take time outs from holidays. This year we won’t be home in time to hand out candy. I feel awful about it. Have fun for us, please!

  2. CiCi Says:

    I understand completely where you are coming from. I haven’t decorated for the holidays recently either. Unfortunately I’m just not ready, or as you said, “have the energy” yet. But I feel hopeful that those days will return. Thanks for posting, I feel the encouragement brewing 🙂

  3. Jody Says:

    Hi Lisa,

    Thanks for this thoughtful (as usual) post.

    It’s always about this time of year that I start thinking “where I am going to spend Christmas this year?” and this year, for the first year in a long time, I don’t feel too caught-up in the grief of not ever experiencing having my own family to share Christmas with. This is great progress, and shows me how far I’ve come in processing the loss of being childfree-by-circumstance.

    The rituals of our culture are so wrapped up with home & heart & family that it can be a real struggle for those of us grieving ‘the life unlived’ as I think of it.

    Bravo too for your Two Birds creativity workshops which I’ve shared on the Gateway Women UK Facebook Page – I agree that creativity is a fantastic way to process and move forward with our lives, and connect with our deeper selves and find joy in our life again.

    Lisa – I love your work and I’m sure it helps so many women (and couples).

    Thank you so much & Happy Halloween.

    Jody x


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