Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Helping a friend through infertility July 19, 2011

I wrote this article, published today on, about how to help a friend who is dealing with infertility. It’s drawn from my own experience and from hearing your stories about how people helped you – and how some didn’t.

Please take a look at the article and feel free to share it. Then, let me know here if you have other things you’d wish your friends and family had known.


5 Responses to “Helping a friend through infertility”

  1. Robin D. Says:

    Lisa, I’m always appreciative of everything you do. Infertility can be so isolating. Every article and every post resonnates. Even if you help one person speak to their friend, spouse, sister, brother, coworker, etc., etc., etc. differently, it matters. Thank you.

  2. Lara Says:

    I loved your article, well-done! liked this article too:
    and I think that there are never enough of those!

  3. Mali Says:

    Nice article. I had to laugh at someone in the comments saying “just relax” though. Argh! Especially after you’d suggested so nicely in the article that you shouldn’t make unsolicited suggestions. However much it helps to get the message out there (and it really does, and I commend you), there are always people who are too dense to get it!

    • lmanterfield Says:

      I saw that, but someone else responded and set her straight. I love that.

      Thanks for the support, ladies. Like I keep saying, if we keep talking about this, bit by bit we’ll be heard.

  4. Great article thank you.

    I think that it is the general belief from friends and family that I am somehow to blame that depresses me the most. Even after explaining that I have blocked tubes I am told to lay off the coffee, alcohol, stand on my head on Tuesdays! All of which makes me feel that they feel that it is my fault and if only I could suffer a bit more, go without, lead a purer life than all will be OK. Even if I do not get pregnant, I just need to show that I am doing everything.

    Funnily enough I live in France where they have never discussed diet with me once. It feels like less of a ‘blame’ culture than the US and UK. Possibly they are not right, but at least I did not come away from the gyno appointment feeling even more depressed. I was told that my blocked tubes were something that could happen and that the best way forward for someone of my age was IVF.

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