Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Finding the Silver Lining July 12, 2011

When human cloning becomes safe and legal, I’m cloning my mum and renting her out.

During our weekly phone conversation this weekend, the subject of my childlessness came up and I told her that I was glad I’d made the choice I did, to get off the baby crazy train and start living my life again. She understood. (Reason #1 to clone her.)

I joked that Mr. Fab and I are now free to sleep in on Sundays, travel, and more or less do what we want to do when we want to do it.

My mum said something very profound. She said that, before my father died (25 years ago) she couldn’t have ever imagined how she’d survive as a widow. And yet she did. She found the silver lining in being alone. She went back to school; she traveled overseas for the first time; she learned to fix things around the house; and she could please herself what she had for dinner. (Reason #2)

It wasn’t that her life was better without my dad; it was just different, and she kept reminding herself of the positive side of things “because you have to,” she said.

I’m not sure I’ll ever say that I’m glad I didn’t have children. I can’t say that my life is better because of it, but it is very different to the life I’d planned, and most of the time, I can find the silver lining. Thanks to my mother’s hard-earned wisdom, I’m reminded to keep looking for the silver lining, because it’s almost always there.

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6 Responses to “Finding the Silver Lining”

  1. Hey Lisa, I fixed the typo in my twitter feed, but in addition to say that you’re mum’s a gem, I also wanted to say was that those sliver linings you seek do come in time…

  2. cazzolafamily Says:

    Good thoughts. This is something I needed to hear today.

  3. Mali Says:

    I love your mum. Especially for saying she can have what she likes for dinner. I understand that! (Iand one of my reasons why being a golf widow in the summer is good!)

  4. Lee Cockrum Says:

    Your last paragraph basically describes the place that I am trying to get to. I have NO expectation to ever be “happy” that I couldn’t have children, but I want to be able to find and enjoy the silver lining.

  5. loribeth Says:

    Your Mum is a gem… and I too can totally relate to your last paragraph. : )

  6. I’m not sure I’ll ever say that I’m glad I didn’t have children. I can’t say that my life is better because of it, but it is very different to the life I’d planned, and most of the time, I can find the silver lining. <—- THIS. Exactly this. It's been in my head all weekend, how different our lives are than what we originally planned…

    I'm not quite to the point of seeing the silver lining all of the time, but I'm catching glimpses periodically.

    And yes, your mum is a keeper.


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