Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

It Got Me Thinking…About Shotgun Weddings May 9, 2011

By Kathleen Guthrie

We recently sent out save the date cards for our upcoming wedding and, in response, I’ve received several variations of “Didn’t know you were pregnant – har har!”

I’m not finding this the least bit humorous, although I’m sure this is what these Jim Carrey–­wannabes had intended. My fiancé and I have been together for four years, living together for two. We are getting married because we want to, not because we have to. And so what if I was pregnant? Would it make this occasion, our commitment to each other, any less solemn?

Of course, because I have finally (mostly) made peace with our decision to be childfree, this strikes a deeper, more painful chord. What I really want to do is reply back by saying, “No. Sadly, pregnancy is no longer an option for me.”

But that would be rude.

Kathleen Guthrie is a Northern California–based freelance writer. She finally met her Mr. Right in her 40s and looks forward marrying him this fall.

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6 Responses to “It Got Me Thinking…About Shotgun Weddings”

  1. Aimee Says:

    It wouldn’t be any more rude than those “jokes” which aren’t the least bit funny.

  2. Jennifer Says:

    This situation reminded me of this past weekend when my husband took me out to dinner on sat to outback. We had a good time and it was a great day until the waitress gave us a check and said “happy mother’s day”.it wasn’t even mother’s day yet and I had to listen to that painful comment. Granted, the waitress had no clue I have gone through 3 miscarriages and she was just being thoughtful. It wasn’t her fault but a small part of me wanted to say “thanks for ruining my day”, but that would have been rude!

  3. Mali Says:

    Actually, Kathleen, I don’t think it would be so rude. It’s a sincere and genuine response to people who made thoughtless comments. If they feel bad, then it’s their fault!

    Jennifer – I would LOVE to say “thanks for ruining my day” but like you I just couldn’t. But I’m going to store that away, just in case one day I need to use it to someone who was rude first!

  4. Illanare Says:

    Completely agree with Mali!

    • Jennifer Says:

      What I really felt like saying was “thanks, I think I will go home and spend some time in my garden which we planted as a memorial to the 5 babies we lost, that’s how I spend mother’s day”..cruel, I know, but brutally honest..meanwhile I am watching CNN tonight and piers Morgan is crucifying Chelsea handler for her decision not to have kids..I can’t believe this! She is explaining her reasoning very well but he continues to just drill her!

      • lmanterfield Says:

        Ugh. I am so sorry. You know it’s well-intentioned, but I know that doesn’t make it any less painful.

        I love that you planted a garden. That’s such a beautiful idea.


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