Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Not So Private Anymore February 23, 2011

Filed under: Childless Not By Choice,Family and Friends,Fun Stuff — Life Without Baby @ 8:35 am
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I am a very private person.


I laughed when I told this to Pamela last week, doubly so when she told me that she was too. But it’s true. I don’t tend to wear my heart on my sleeve or share the private aspects of my life, sometimes even with my closest friends. I like to keep things to myself.


However, last night I attended the official launch party for my book. It was so much fun to mill around the room, talking to people and signing copies of my book, that somehow, in the thrill of the celebration, I managed to overlook the fact that all these people will now know the most intimate details of my life, my body, and my relationships.


But there; it’s done; it’s out there for everyone and his dog to know!


They say that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I think that’s true. Infertility wasn’t something I ever wanted to deal with and in many ways I didn’t deal with it when it was happening to me. I didn’t confide much in friends or seek help elsewhere. I just kept it private. But the experience made me stronger and made me want to talk about it. It made me want to share the experience with other people so that they can better understand what it’s like. It’s not always comfortable, but I know it’s the the right thing to do.


I’m not such a private person anymore, and I’m okay with that.




16 Responses to “Not So Private Anymore”

  1. Lily Says:

    Congratulations and I wish I could have been there! You look radiant and happy. And, again, I’m so thankful for you sharing your story. It has made a real difference on my infertility and childless not by choice journey.

    Lily – The Infertile Mind

    I promise not everyone knows your story because my dog can’t read – unless not that I know of. 😉

  2. Hi Lisa,

    My experience is the same as yours. While some of my family and friends were privy to the some of the details of my infertility journey the only person who truly knew the intimate details of the struggle was my husband (and even he didn’t know the darkness of some of my thoughts). When I started my blog it was a little unnerving, because I had never been so “public” with my feelings. Some days I wonder if I’m sharing too much, but inevitably when I have my misgivings comments of appreciation will come in, and it reaffirms that I’m doing the right thing.

    I may never be able to make the jump to print, and that’s why I so admire you, Pamela, and the handful of others who have been courageous and giving enough to share your journey in such a public way.

    I am proud of you! If I lived in your area I would’ve SO been at your party!

  3. Marcie Says:

    Thank you for doing what so many of us can’t or aren’t able to do. I wish it was acceptable for us to go on and on about our struggles the way others go on and on about childbirth and child rearing. Why can’t we take pride in our struggle? If it were a “project” we would talk about all we had to do even if it wasn’t successful. Think about the last time you went looking for that perfect pair of shoes. How many stores did you go to? How many shoes did you try on? Let’s not even mention the parking situation and the crowds… Can you imagine us going on and on about scheduling the injections, doctor appts, sex, along with the money, insurance calls, and let’s not even mention the parking and crowds (I’ve had to sit on the floor or wait in the hall at some of my doc visits!). So, thanks. Thanks for putting your story out there so that we ALL can see that every project is not always successful, but life does go on. Just maybe someday we can “brag” about all we’ve lived through and how much stronger we are for it!

  4. You are a rock star!!
    So thrilled for you and so happy to “know” you

  5. Mali Says:

    Bravo!! How exciting to attend your own book launch! I will toast you with a glass of wine tonight.

    I think time and distance from the trauma helps – I’m able to talk about “the thing” now quite easily, but at the time didn’t let many people know what was going on with me.

  6. loribeth Says:

    Woohoo! Glad you had a good time!

  7. Sue Says:

    Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! So happy for you! 🙂

  8. Jenn Says:

    LIsa….though I couldn’t be there in person, I was there in my heart. I am overjoyed and thrilled for you – truly!

    I am grateful to you for having the courage and tenacity to be one of the few of us who actually put your story out there. You may feel a bit vulnerable with having all your “private stuff” out there but please know that in doing so, you are helping others.

    I know for me, reading your book was like having a life-line thrown out to me just when I needed it in my healing journey. I bought it online and read it in two days – I literally soaked it up. It honestly helped me keep moving forward – so THANK YOU!


  9. Rach Says:

    how exciting!!

    i’m determined to somehow get my hands on your book because tbh at the moment, i think it’s something i NEED to read in order to show me that there IS life beyond not being able to have children.


  10. Misty Says:

    Congrats on your book! Happy ICLW.

  11. Kate B Says:

    Thank you for being not so private anymore. I’ve read both your book and Pamela’s. Each has helped me in dealing with trying to live a happy life despite having to give up the dream of having children.

  12. Christy Says:

    I’ve read both books to (yours and Pamela’s.) Both were like divine intervention. Your opening up made me hopeful again — for something else now. Something attainable. Thank you. And congratulations.

  13. sue Says:

    good for you!! I’m starting to explore my infertility through my art work, scary and not something i think I want to show anyone yet… but very liberating and yes, I think even though we might be very private people, sharing it, coming to terms with it, and expressing it thru whichever medium we choose, does make us stronger x x lots of luck with the book x

  14. lmanterfield Says:

    Thank you so much for all your wonderful support. I wish I could have raised a glass with all of you. Your comments remind me of WHY I needed to get my story out there. Thank you, thank you, thank you. -x-

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