Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Friends in High Places, Low Places, Cold Places, and Warm Places February 12, 2011

The worst thing about moving 400 miles to the northern part of my state is leaving all my LA friends behind. Through my husband’s job, I know three people up here, plus one good friend who is an hour’s drive away, so I’m working on making new friends.

Jose was traveling last week, so I spent much of the time alone, and frankly I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Then, on Monday, I received a copy of Lori’s new book in the mail. I read a couple of chapters and it made me laugh. On Tuesday I spoke of the phone with Lily, who was snowed under in Indiana. I’ve never met her, but we’ve become phone friends over the months.  Later in the week, I chatted by email to Monica and Sonja, and made plans to have coffee with Kathleen. I also finalized lunch plans with Pamela, something we’ve been trying to accomplish for months now.

I share one thing in common with all these women, and that is that we are childless, but beyond that I’ve discovered we have so much more in common and that these women have become my friends.

I know that many of us feel, or have felt, isolated in our childlessness, and that the web has enabled us to find our tribe. But beyond that commonality are the possibilities for friendships, and I encourage you to find those opportunities.

On the main members page, I’ve recently added a chat feature; the forums are always buzzing; and you can send messages to other members or say hello on their walls.  There are plenty of ways to make connections and hopefully to make some new friends.

Report in on friends you’ve made through this or other sites.


4 Responses to “Friends in High Places, Low Places, Cold Places, and Warm Places”

  1. Mali Says:

    I’ve been meaning to wish you the very best for the move, and life in a new town. I’ve learned that online friends are just as real as “real life” friends, although it is harder to meet for coffee or a glass of wine. I’m glad you have them.

    (Your posts always prompt a new post from me … I’m away to write one now).

  2. loribeth Says:

    I first found online support — a private e-mail list for pregnancy loss & subsequent pregnancy — shortly after my daughter was stillborn, in the fall of 1998. After we made the decision to live childfree in 2001, I gradually stopped posting & reading the list, although I’m still a member. It just wasn’t as relevant to me anymore.

    As most of you probably know, there’s not a lot out there in the way of organized online support for women in our situation (even less so in 2001), & what there is, is often not well used. I was fortunate to find a Childless Living board on iVillage, & a wonderful group of women in similar situations. We became very close friends, & when technical problems started interfering with our ability to access the board (which, sadly, is now defunct), we moved over to a private group on Yahoo. Some have drifted away over the years, but there is still a small core group of us who post a few times a week, & I’ve reconnected with a few of the others on Facebook. Our joke was always that, when we were old & grey & our husbands had gone, we’d move in together, a la the Golden Girls. I’ve met two of them “in real life.”

    I started blogging a little over three years ago & I’m so glad to see more & more of us in the childless-not-by-choice category coming out of the woodwork!

  3. lmanterfield Says:

    Yes, I am very grateful for my online friends, and it is just a cherry on top when I get to talk to them by phone or meet in person.

  4. Lily Says:

    I so enjoy our “phone” friendship, too!

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