Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday December 1, 2010

It’s Whiny Wednesday and I have two whines today.

The first is that even though I’ve been using the usual Whiny Wednesday image since the dawn of this blog, suddenly my computer has decided it’s no longer a valid image. Whatever. Technology and me…we’re just not getting along lately.

Whine #2 is this: I’m toodling around on the internet last night, doing a bit of research for a new project and, of course, I get distracted. Through a series of “Hmm, that’s interesting” clicks I end up looking at a website offering fertility retreats. Sisters, I have been down this road before. I know how this story ends, and yet I still catch myself thinking, “Hmm, what if…?” 

It’s a sickness, I know. I took my medicine, stood in the corner and said, “Bad Lisa,” and I’m okay now, but really, when is this insanity actually going to end?

Anyway, it’s December 1 – 30 days until the end of another year – and I have a long list of whines I could share, but for now I turn it over to you. Whine on, sisters.


4 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday”

  1. Sue Says:

    Well since I meant to leave comments on the last two posts but somehow got interrupted each time I started to type, I’ll include it all on this post…I do love Whiney Wednesday after all.

    I was already on the “losing the baby fat” kick before I read your post and was back on the treadmill after Thanksgiving. I am determined to start losing the hormone rollercoaster pounds I’ve put on now because I hate making (then breaking) New Year’s resolutions. However, as I am approaching the end of the year I am also approaching my deadline on giving it one last try, which would mean adding even more pounds to an already more jiggly figure. Although I have been working on coming to terms with never having children, I’m afraid I’ll regret later in life that I didn’t give it one more try. Although I don’t feel the outcome will be any different, there’s a little piece in side of me that wants to know the answer to “what if.” And there’s a part of me that thinks if I try and fail one last time, I will be convinced that I am broken and will stop the “what ifs” all together. Right when I think I have courage to give it one more try, I ask myself “Why do you want to go through that physical and emotional pain, gain more weight, and go back to being a big mess who’s holding back tears all the time? You’ve been pregnant three times and you’ve never even made a baby! (all blighted ovums) You’ve come so far emotionally, why would you want to go back there?? Are you just trying to prove to yourself that you can actually create a baby, or trying to prove to everyone else that you really can’t and you’re not giving up too soon?” My husband doesn’t want to see me go through all of that pain again either, but he loves me (boy he must love me a lot because I was a mess) and supports either decision. I was 35 when we started trying and now I’m 37. I feel as though I’m being pushed towards a giant clock and my resistance is causing my heels to dig into the earth. I know our lives can still be wonderful without children but the holidays really make me want to have children of our own and really bring out the fear about what a future without children will be like.

    So as January approaches and panic sets in, I have to ask Lisa, do you have any of that medicine you can share???

  2. Kate B Says:

    There’s a medicine that cures the what-ifs? I need it! Shoot, I still think “What if we win lotto? We will adopt.” The only questions are – from what country do we adopt and do we add a bedroom on to our existing house so that we could adopt more than one child or do we just move to a new house with more bedrooms?’

  3. Aja Gold Says:

    My co-worker got back today from her maternity leave. Enough said.

  4. Mali Says:

    My whine is that my sister is driving me nuts (too complicated to get into). I wonder if I’m more concerned about my aging mother because I don’t have kids, or just because (this is my theory) I’m actually more sensitive and empathetic! LOL. And so I’m just waiting for the “if you were a mother you’d understand” or “you don’t have a child so you don’t understand.” It may never come. She might be better than not. But still, I imagine her saying it. And I know that’s my fault. But still …

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