Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

A Very Bon Voyage August 3, 2010

I’m getting ready to go on vacation. (Hurray!) I have plane tickets and hotel reservations.  And that’s about it. The night before we leave, we’ll throw what we think we need into a suitcase, add half a dozen books, and go. The details of our trip, i.e. how we’re going to get around between our various destinations, where we’ll eat, what we’ll do, will all unfold in good time. Right now, I’m too tired to fuss with those kinds of details. If there’s something important we’ve forgotten to pack, we’ll buy it when we get there (the reason I own a large collection of phone chargers and power adaptors.) Passport, credit card, phone–all we really need.

It’s this kind of loosey-goosey traveling that make me appreciate not having children.


Friends Who Said the Right Thing August 2, 2010

“Just ride your husband like the stallion he is, then flip over like a dead bug.”

“Oh, get IVF. Just do it.”

“My friends just adopted from Guatemala; I’ll have them call you.”

There never seems to be a shortage of people with “helpful,” and usually unsolicited, advice that can send us reeling off with our backs up and our feelings hurt. The above quotes are taken directly from my own experience as I was dealing with infertility. All were from people who cared and wanted to help, and every single one hurt. But what about people who say the right thing?

For every person that said something hurtful, the were two more who said something kind (or sometimes just said nothing at all.) One friend who stands out is the woman who quietly confided that she and her husband had experienced similar issues and come to a decision. “We decided that we were already a family,” she told me. “We were just a family of two.” Her words really made me think about what it was I was questing for and eventually I came to the same conclusion that I was also happy with the family I already had—my husband and my cat.

Who are the people who said exactly the right thing at the right time to you?