Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Confessions of A Childless Daughter August 5, 2010

I have a confession to make.

My mother doesn’t know about this site.

She’s just now finding her way around the Internet, so it’s probably only a matter of time before she finds me. I’ve even sent her and e-mail with the link in my signature, but either she hasn’t twigged on, or she’s too polite to mention it.

When I was back home in England this past May, I promised my friend that I would tell my mum about my blog, but even when she asked what I was working on, I chickened out. It’s like being 14 again and trying to pluck up the guts to tell her I’ve been invited to a party with a boy.

But I’m not 14; I’m 40, so why can’t I tell my own mother about something I’m really proud of—this website?

Do any of you suffer from being unable to talk about yourself, your work, or your childlessness, even to people you trust?


10 Responses to “Confessions of A Childless Daughter”

  1. Hi Lisa,
    Yes! I never speak about my own website or postings to my in-laws in particular. I met my husband when I was a senior in high school and at 43 years old, I still feel like I’m eighteen!

    I’m sure some of them read my stuff but they never say anything and neither do I. I still feel embarrassed that of their ten children, my husband is the only one without children. Maybe that’s part of it…I don’t know.

  2. I’m in the same boat too. I haven’t told my family about my childlessness blog simply because I often talk about the challenges of the family concerning my childlessness. My parents do not have grandkids due to my condition and my brother’s CBC status. I also vent about other issues in the family although I never use names and try to be as vague as possible while still adequately conveying my thoughts.

    I don’t advertise my blog, because I feel that the people who are meant to find it will find it. If that someday happens to be my family so be it. I consider it my domain (no pun intended) to say what I feel…responsibly of course.

  3. Kathryn Says:

    Well, i don’t trust my mother, so our situations are different.

    I don’t advertise my blog either. I don’t list it at Facebook. I do talk about family matters & so don’t want it broadly spread around.

    However, i’ve often found that when i do share it with a couple of people i trust (my “unofficial foster-mom” & one of my sisters) they don’t visit anyway. I’m kind of hurt by that & so i’ve rather stopped telling folks about it.

    And then, i do have 2 friends in “the real world” who read it. In each of those friendships something has happened that i’ve been upset over. If i was just journaling for myself privately, of course i would have written about it. It is a kind of therapy for me. That i had to keep silent over it in my blog was something i found difficult. Life is complicated however we live it. We can hurt blog friends, too, but i find it less likely if i’m not in a different relationship.

    I’ve come to feel what The Scribes Pen has said, ” . . . I feel that the people who are meant to find it will find it . . . “

  4. Jennifer Gill Says:

    Yes, I hide. I used to enjoy LiveJournal, because I could friendslock my posts for relative safety.

    You do a marvelous job with this site, Lisa, and from what you’ve said of your mum, I bet she’d love it. Perhaps she realizes that it might cramp your style to know she was reading. Mums can be empathic that way. 😉

  5. lmanterfield Says:

    Interesting comments, ladies. Yes I do think that those who are meant to find it will, and I’ve also had the experience of inviting friends and then getting hurt feelings when they haven’t visited. That’s due to my own presumptiousness.

    With my mum, I think a lot of it is that I don’t want to her worry about me or think that I’m not ok. We haven’t talked much about what I’ve been through and somehow it’s better that way.

  6. Oh, I totally relate to this! I have no intention of telling my mom as she’d read every word and we’d have to discuss and, as usual, not understand each other and result in a disaster. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to have a private space away from my family to discuss my feelings on infertility. I’m sure there are things in their lives they don’t always share with me and that’s okay.

    Also, nice to find another person who wants to give voice to those of us without children!

  7. happynenes Says:

    Yes, I’m with Lily. I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your mom. I love my mom, and we are very close. But, she’s said some hurtful things with regard to my infertility. I don’t want to discuss it with her at all. I think I’d be willing to let my husband read my posts here. But not my mom.

  8. Kathleen Guthrie Says:

    From what I know about your mum, she’ll be ridiculously proud of you and your site.

  9. loribeth Says:

    I have tended to keep my “real life” & online personas separate, until just recently, anyway. Very few people IRL know about my blog, & I’d kind of like to keep it that way. It’s a place where I can let the infertile/childless mother part of me truly be ME, without worrying what my friends & family might think.

    That said, I have both online & IRL friends on Facebook, so the lines are starting to blur a little.

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