Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

The Mommy Crush July 8, 2010

A couple of years ago my husband and I went to see one of our favorite bands in concert, where they introduced their hot new drummer. I fell in love instantly, despite being old enough (just about) to be his mother.

It wasn’t the first time I’d developed a crush on a rock star, but this was different. I wasn’t overcome with the urge to tear off his sweaty shirt or ride off into the night on the back of his motorcycle; I wanted to take him home and make him a nice dinner. I wanted to sit around the kitchen table and hear stories of his tour. I wanted to be able to tell everyone how proud I was of my son. I was experiencing my first Mommy Crush.

It was a weird experience and it started happening more often. Whenever I saw a cute boy, any sexual desire turned off, and I just wanted to mother him! For me it was one of those big life turning points, when you realize you’ve graduated to a new stage in life.

The problem was, I already new I was never going to get that chance, and a whole new set of emotions came over me. I’d already moved past longing for a baby, but now I had to deal with the idea that I’d never have a child that I could nurture and whose natural talents I could encourage. I would never be the cool mom of a grown child I could be proud of. (I rationalized that I’d never have to bail my grown child out of jail or shoehorn him out of the house when he turned 30 and still didn’t have a job, but it really didn’t help.)

But I’m wondering, is it just me or is the Mommy Crush a common phenomenon? Have you had a Mommy Crush? Or am I just weird?

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2 Responses to “The Mommy Crush”

  1. sewforward Says:

    I had a similar experience when I was mistakened for one of my teenage neighbors mother. I first I thought that was odd – why did someone think I was his mom? But, I stopped at looked at the situation: I was old enough to have a child that age and he and I did look very similar – he had red hair (which I used to have) and freckles and so do I. Actually at that moment I think I felt better about my childness then ever before. I realized that I no longer was envious of new mothers and their babies. I was flattered in an odd way to be mistaken for this young man’s mom. She had done a great job raising her boys and she was so down to earth ad a delightful woman, too. I felt a sort of kinship there that this total stranger would make that kind of connection between me and this young man – who, too was a delight to have around.

  2. happynenes Says:

    Ha ha! No, you are not alone. I think the same thing every time I see a skinny little tough blond surfer kid at the beach running not walking to get in the water. I think, ‘Now, that is the kind of kid I would have wanted my kid to be! A tough little surf dog, swimming before he/she could walk.’

    Of course, I think if I’d had kids, they probably would have hated the sand or wanted to play computer games all day or shop and do make-up and we all would have been disappointed with each other. Mothering crushes are so much more satisfying!


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