Life Without Baby

Filling the silence in the motherhood discussion

Whiny Wednesday April 7, 2010

“Why don’t you just adopt?”

People ask this question as if adoption is as simple as filling out a form and picking out a baby. But anyone who’s had a close friend or family member go through the process knows all about the drawn-out bureaucracy, the failed adoptions, the expense of going private, and the trauma of adopting from foster care.

So, don’t ask me why I don’t just adopt, unless you have plenty of time to hear my answer.

It’s Whiny Wednesday. What’s your gripe?


3 Responses to “Whiny Wednesday”

  1. snarkyhughes Says:

    My gripe is this….I hate it when people ask me how far along I was when I miscarried. As if time matters to a pregnant woman. They dont’ know how long it took to get pregnant, or how nauseous I was, or how scared I was because I miscarried before. Do they know what it feels like to see a grainy black and white ultrsound image revealing the baby inside isn’t growing? Don’t ask how many weeks pregnant I was and say thank goodness it was early in the pregnancy. Just say you’re sorry for my loss and offer up a hug!

  2. lmanterfield Says:

    snarkyhughes, when I hear a story like this, I find myself trying to make excuses for people, saying that they don’t know what to say to someone who’s gone through a loss like that, and so they try to say something positive, and don’t really mean to be insensitive. Your advice to “just say you’re sorry for the loss and offer up a hug” is perfect. The same goes for women who are dealing with infertility: don’t give advice unless it’s asked for. And if I woman tells you she’s made a decision to not have children, don’t try to talk her out of it. Thank you for sharing your story.

  3. Krista Says:

    I would love to hear your answer to this question…

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